Tons and tons

I have tons of things to talk about but unfortunately, I may not remember everything so if thoughts and ideas aren't clearly thought out, do forgive me:) Also, I'll be using different colours for different things I'm talking about, so If you have a headache from the colours, again, forgive me.

First of all, using the brightest red colour for the font for this piece of news. I can't remember if i have said this here or not but i have 2 offers!!!!!! WOO HOOO!!!!! I'm not bragging i swear I'm just really really reeeeeeaaallllllyyyyy happy!! I got the 1st one yesterday, I think from NUS, FASS, so of course I was like, whoa!!!! And today, after being out the WHOLE day, and coming back home at 11pm, I see this mail on the dining table for me, after noticing that everyone else in the house has like passed out(not really passed out of course, more like knocked out) and guess where the envelope was from.....NTU!!! For Communication Studies at obviously WKWSCI. Of course I started bouncing up and down like i did yesterday. And it was so weird because I was just only discussing with my friend WL during lunch about whether or not I'll get something else from the other 2 unis(smu and ntu) and she said that if they haven't called me up for something else like social sciences, cuz comm studies and law were my first choices at ntu and smu respectively, then I should most probably be getting them.

One hand, all these offers, are amazing because I never thought in a million years I'd even get ONE! I mean I was seriously considering re-taking my exams because that's what my mother said when i asked what would happen if i didn't get any offers. So it's brilliant! However, Now I have to decide my FREAKING FUTURE!!!!! NOW. How can I do that?! Urgh. I'm shaking as I type this;I'm so worried and stressed out. If only my interests weren't so bloody varied. I still am waiting on smu, to see what they offer me, if anything at all. But already to decide between ntu and nus is stressing me out.

Okay, enough abt universities and stress. I watched this movie today, called Firaq, a hindi movie about the riots between the Hindus and the Muslims in 2002 in Gujarat, India. The movie's characters were fictional and they didn't really show much of the actual riots, because believe ME, its very disturbing. They did show it from the t.vs of the characters houses and it was extremely disturbing. What was worse was how you see different situations in relation to the riots develop. An elderly optimist, nearly loses his idealistic view of life, which was heart-breaking, most of all to his slightly younger realist of a helper. A married couple from the 2 different warring groups, he a muslim, she a hindu, supposedly moving away to Delhi, but instead, staying where they are. An orphan, in every sense of the word alone in the world, still hoping to find his father. A Hindu woman, torturing herself for turning away a begging muslim woman, tries to quiet her conscience by taking care of that very muslim orphan, but instead, somehow, even though he lost his family and he's in constant danger of being killed by angry hindu fundamentalists, he runs away from the house when he realises that she's in a worse position then him! An upset Muslim woman returns to her home to find it burned down and wonders if her Hindu saheli knows who did it. The movie was so amazing and depressingly sad and insightful at the same time. And i want to know why the HELL does a group of people suddenly start attacking another group? Yes they are somewhat different from each other, but most of each group are perfectly content to live side by side. The movie was definitely not at all like the typical Bollywood sterotype of song-and-dance numbers and comedy and drama. Plus the excellent actors, such as Paresh Rawal and Naseerudin Shah. I recommend it very strongly.

Another thing I want to mention.P.S. I don't bloody care if this is a long one!
Today, I also went back to my jc, to collect my Ics tee-shirt and to tell you the truth, I was a little apprehensive about going in because I don't know a number of people in there(meaning the new students). I did anyway and I was so touched by what they did for me! Everyone quite loudly and happily said hi to me and those who knew me immediately hugged me and asked what was going on with me and everything. And then, the teacher presented me with the tee and said such nice and kind words about me i think i was blushing! The dance that was performed was really great, to one of my fav songs, Aaja Nachle, and the whole event, meaning the stepping down ceremony was so well done! Our stepping down ceremony to me was more special because I almost cried when i saw the powerpoint slides that had been prepared for us, but this one was excellent. They even wanted me to join them in the photos which i thought was very nice too. The new prez, so sweet asked very nicelya s i was leaving that maybe if i could help choreograph for them and truthfully, it really depends at that time so that's what i said. Of course i don't think they actually NEED my help, they're good enough on their own. And like, they're going to do Puyal next year, so good luck to them. I was very touched by what they did today so yeah.

Sadly, I've run out of steam, so I really must stop here. This entry is extremely long but I had warned everyone earlier about the length and colours so yeah. Okay, will type again tmr. ciao!

shini

the sun, sand and sea

I think I have realised that I simply cannot live away from the sea. not too far away. I don't know why, but i could never be in a landlocked part of the world, like Mongolia of something. Even if i don't actually GO to the beach in spore, just the fact that its at the most an hour away, is comforting. My mum loves going to the beach too. She says that she loves it for different reasons. Firstly, people at the beach and the park adjoining it are doing things that are positive in nature. Walking their dogs, having picnics, cycling, jogging, playing with their kids and eating. All these activities are happy activities, to put it in my words, and I agree completely. Even if you say, oh, Orchard road is the same thing, technically, it isn't. Shopping, and consuming is technically not good on the wallet. Getting happiness out of material items is also technically not right. (Although I still indulge in it cuz it really does make me happy!)

Basically, the beach and the park are recreational places, which in their nature are supposed to help people relax and have fun, because all work and no play makes jack a dull boy!
Another reason she says, is because the beach never closes. You can never be too late or too early for the beach. Midnight? So what! Lie on the sand and look at the stars! Sunrise? So what! Watch the sunset and observe all the birds waking up to find food. Get breakfast! Middle of the day? So what! have a picnic under the shade or an umbrella, or if you're daring(and dont' care about sunburn), Slap on sunblock and go swimming!(although if you do, you have to keep applying vigorously, and afterwards, put some aloe vera gel and moisturise all over).
So yes, you can go to the beach anytime! Which is great if you think about it because there really isn't anywhere else you can do that. Except 7-elevan, which is why its a fabulous accompaniment to the beach!

She said something else too, but I don't quite understnad it completely so forgive me for sounding confused. She said(my mother), that for some reason, at the beach there is that certainty of the continuation of the day. The safety that the next day will come and that the sea will still be there.

Personally, I really do love the sea, and the beach. I may have mentioned before but if i had to choose between seaside resort and a ski lodge, I'd choose the seaside resort anytime. I may not have the hot bod to show of in a bikini( hahahahaha HARDLY! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!), or a killer tan,(although i do look better with a slight tan), and I'm not even close to being into sea sports or beach sports, BUT!!!!! (the all important "but!") I have great enthusiasm for anything to do with the beach. You can wear the bikini(talking to my sister), I'll be more comfortable in my tee and shorts. You can get teh perfect tan, I'll put on my sunblock and stay in the shade. However, if you want to play something, I"m all in. So yeah, I"m not the traditional beach babe(repeat, hahahahaha HARDLY! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!) but, who says tradition is always good?

sooooo....anybody wanna go to the beach?:)

loves,
shini

P.S. talking about the beach makes me salivate for a holiday. NOW.

The little things

After a "dog day" as my mother would say, you are completely exhausted and you just wanna curl up and like die or vegetate in the lovely cool bed. However, I noticed that certain small things can really cheer you up, even if its at the end of the day. Small things like unexpectedly hearing your favourite song on the radio as you're making your way home, either by public transport or by car. Suddenly, you don't feel so tired, and something about you, or within you perks up. Maybe, when you see a hot guy while walking home, and he smiles at you, or you discover at work, a chocolate bar you had bought earlier but somehow forgetten about, can really REALLY perk you up, and improve your mood. I just witnessed it today with my mother, when a favourite old hindi song came on the radio as we were driving home after she's had a challenging day. She was quite happily singing along and I just quietly observed.

So cheers to all those little things that make us or at least YOU guys feel that life isn't all that awful! And have a great day people!!!

loves,
shini


*Notice how short this entry is? Amazing huh? Plus, notice the "loves" at the end? I'm clearly ina fabulous mood. heehee

Music

Music helps to drown out your thoughts. Or at least it does for me. Been having all kinds of thoughts lately, many of which other people would scold me for having, saying that I'm a spoiled brat, and I'm ungrateful. There are too many to count, and right now I can't remember all of them because they come as a whole gush of incompleted matter. That's why I've taken to listening to music right before I drift off to sleep, with my earphones in my ears, because by the time I go to sleep, my sister is long gone in he world of dreams.

The problem with these thoughts that have started to plague me more frequently these days is that, they only stream into my mind when I'm alone. Sadly, I'm alone a lot nowadays. Even T.V. can't seem to numb my mind effectively enough, or maybe its just the programmes I tend to watch aren't effective. I should probably try to watch more documentaries. Not to numb my mind, but to get ti so occupied with the understanding of the documentaries that it doesn't have time to think of all those thoughts.

However, the method of using music has its flaws as well. If i listena nd pay too much attention to the words, especially if they're in english, or if i understand the hindi lyrics, those thoughts come back, or worse, other thoughts come streaming in, and then I have to work doubly hard to keep them out.
Why do I not want to think these thoughts? Isn't it important to think about things?
Well, some thoughts upset me to the point of crying, and I don't like crying. At least I don't like it when I make myself cry. So you see, this is why I'm on a mission to keep myself distracted and amused. At the same time, eating healthier, because we don't want a repeat of thursday now do we?

You know what? I think I'm going mad. I think I'm slowly going crazy. I may be wrong of course, and it definitely sounds like I'm pitying myself, but I do think I'm going a little mad. Then again, who says everyone's perfectly sane right? Urgh. I'm going to go and sleep soon. Thank goodness I"ve downloaded some new songs into the ipod.
Ciao!

shini

I have my reasons

Urghhhh....

I woke up today with the best of intentions. Little did i know that Someone had other ideas. I was going to be good and vacum the floor, mop, and clean the toilet. Even, *gasp* change the sheets. Not because i HAD to and not because my mother bugged me to, but because I thought it's be a nice surprise for my family.( when you're broke, doing these things are the only way to give plesant surprises to your family.)

However, after a few minutes of sitting on the sofa, i realised i had a pain in my abdomen. Going to the bathroom, I found out that my monthly visitor had arrived!
Caution: Very personal information is about to be divulged. If you feel uncomfortable, do not hesitate to scroll down quickly to my other posts, especially the video I have up. Thank you.

Anyway, It explained my aching abdomen: cramps. I can deal with those.
I went down to buy some chips and bear in mind, these i've had for like over a year, so nothing new at all.
After eating the chips and for a while later, i also realised that the cramps were getting progressively worse. Soon, I was doubling over in pain. I didn't realise then, that the pain i was feeling, was nothing to what i'll feel later on. I tried to do normal things, involving walking around, cuz people do say light exercise can get rid of the cramps. Well, either i was a chicken or my cramps were very serious. Probably the latter, because I couldn't even hang up the laundry.

Around 4, I kept having to visit the bathroom and i was covered in cold sweat. I felt faint, and nauseous at the same time. feeling that i needed to vomit, i was practically hanging on the rim of the toiletbowl. "Crap" I thought, " Food poisoning again?! But I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary!", because, these 'symptoms' i was experiencing;I had had them before, when my mum, my sis and I all had food poisoning AT HOME.
Exhausted, i just lay on the hallway floor for a while, then had to almost crawl to the kitchen to get some water and a plastic bag.
Shut myself in the toilet, with the bag by my side. Perspiring and wondering what the HELL should i do know. I was also extremely irritated witht he fact that I had called my sister and my mother and neither picked up. I didn't have the Menstrual Panadol, and besides, you need to have some food before you take panadol. Thinking abou it right now, I think I was like, waiting for my body to start heaving, so that i could rid myself of whatever it was that was causing me discomfort. Bodies work like that. Eventually, I did vomit(sorry for the details) and almost instantly felt a bit better. Had more water and just lay on the sofa. By that time, managed to get through my mum, and she was coming home with fish soup(something i only have when I'm ill), and the all-important Panadol.

I'm still not feeling 100% better, my lower abdomen is twinging occasionally, but the fact that I'm off the floor and I'm typing, obviously means I'm feeling better.
I wasn't terminally ill, or even very seriously sick. Which was why I was thinking about all those kids out there, with diseases, and illnesses and i think, how damn lucky I am, that I have my health and that I really should take better care of it, before I'm sorry. To all those kids out there, struggling, or even just unhappy and ill, take care and my prayers are with you. Nobody likes being ill.

On a happier note, I've been downloading songs and do u know which song I keep listening to? Ghenda Phool from Delhi-6. Also, that reminds me, I gotta go put all those Mamma Mia! songs into my ipod.They're got such catchy tunes!!!

Anyway, I'm going off to shower, and take the Panadol. Tomorrow, I'm going to my cousin's house to see her daughters and of course her. And maybe later, i can go shoe shopping! Ciao!

shini

Storms

I previously didn't understand when and why people, like grown-ups got scared of storms, thunderstorms i mean. I mean I used to think, it's just some rain, lightning and thunder. As long as you're not outside, you have nothing ot worry about. Well, all THAT has changed. Right now, I sit in my living room, all by my lonesome self, because both my parents are asleep and probably so is my sister as she can't stay up beyond 11pm and there's this huge and scary howling of wind going on outside. I mean I've been up by myself before, late at night and I've never been scared. Ever. But I'm actually worried and scared right now! The wind is really really loud and howling and its even shaking the windows as i write this!!! The trees outside are swaying dangerously and the sky isn't exactly dark, like how it would be on a clear night, because of the clouds. And the NOISE!!!! Terrifying!!!!Urgh.

*small voice* I'm scared.

What am i going to do? I'm watching tv now and I can't sleep now because I'm not sleepy and tired and it'll be even worse because i can see the night sky even more clearly and HEAR even more clearly and not sleep. Sigh. I'm going to just concentrate on the show. Bye(she says glumly)

shini