There's this song, by Imran Khan, the singer, called Bewafaa and its my current favourite. A friend had sent it to me, quite some time ago, and while I had liked it then, it didnt' like catch my attention. You know when songs come out or when you first listen to some songs, some will just catch you? The songs from Aladin and more recently Raavan did that to me a bit. Just kept listening to them over and over again and it was love at first sound. And I'm not even talking about the usual danceable songs, which are a given. I loved the song You May Be from Aladin. And as usual I can't pinpoint what exactly it is that I love about it so much. Anyway, Bewafaa wasn't like a first love(sound). It took a while to like and then wham! love!

Now I can't stop listening to it. Imran Khan's other song Ni Nachle is my phone's ringtone(yes i have a ringtone that people can HEAR; I don't like my phone being on silent) Weirdly enough, those are the only twos songs of his that I just ADORE. The rest or whatever I've heard, just doesn't jump out at me.

Also, I watched this girl's version of Mayya Mayya from Guru and the girl's like 11 or something. Bloody HELL she's got a fab voice on her! I'll try and put the videos up. That's another song that just stuck on me like a barnacle. Especially HER version. Actually, the other version done by another contestant, older this time, in the previous season or something was VERY different, some might say weaker, but it grew on me as well.

Actually, I had something else to talk about here, but I think as I typed, I just changed mind, unconsciously. Weird things happen. anyway, if I remember, or the urge becomes too great, then you can expect to see another post:)

enjoy the vids(if they're up!)

Love love!!!

shini

the original. excuse the skimpily clad malika sherawat( slut of bollywood in my opinion) and the bad dance moves.

Chori Chori Chupke Chupke

There are few things in the world worse than losing a child. But I just realised something. Having a miscarriage and then not every being able to conceive or carry a child is pretty close. Being so ready and close to having a child, and then for some reason that's snatched from you is bad enough but being told that you can NEVER conceive or carry a child is like driving the stake further in your heart and twisting it.

The hindi movie Chori Chori Chupke Chupke introduces this sort of situation to the Indian masses. My favourite actress Rani Mukerji does a wonderful role of Priya Malholtra, the woman burdened with such a situation. Her and her husband's solution to the problem is unique. I shan't revela anymore than I already have but I really do recommend the movie. Its not your typical love-story round a coconut tree or in European scenery (though they do shoot quite a fair bit in Switzerland; they have to show SOME nice scenery! plus its interesting how the scenery is juxtaposed later) . Now that I think about it, the movie is quite well-done and written, even with the locations and background playing a role in the story. I know this is really random but the songs were up on papuyaar.com and I just happened to come across it. Peeps, I really do recommend you check it out. There is a version on youtube, with eng subs!
The link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j0gkJotT2k&feature=related
Just copy and paste yea?
Anyway, I gotta get somewhere by 12pm and its already 5am so I gotta get to sleep for a bit!
love love
shini

I can't BELIEVE that they didn't go. I mean REALLY??? Okay, technically we didn't go either, on the day itself, BUT we did visit the day before. Ate dinner and everything, though I think the eating might have irritated her a little. But seriously, how could they NOT go? Of ALL days, after this whole ordeal?She doesn't even have a proper birthday! None of them, NOT ONE visited her. And none of that bullshit about not KNOWING what day it was because thanks to the media, EVERYONE knew. I mean radio and everything. So none of the "I didn't realise it was today". And even if they didn't know, what they can't visit out of LOVE? They went (sort of) when she was in the hospital. I mean she's still on the bloody tube and still can't EAT. I know I'm probably giving out too much information, airing dirty laundry in public and all that but I suddenly needed to vent. I didn't get a chance to do so properly earlier.

Besides, unless I've TOLD you about it, you wouldn't actually know. so its okay. I'm just amazed and flabbergasted by the coldness and blatant lack of regard for someone who's cared SO much for you. Just because she doesn't live with you doesn't mean that she's not your priority. How can such people be so uncaring? I mean do you not have consciences? Seriously are they defective or something? When I don't call for weeks, I feel bad! So bad that when I have a minute, I do call. Because I do remember. I can't speak very well, (my abiliy has worsened ssubstantially actually, I can't remember even simple words) but I still try. She probably doesn't even hear or listen or appreciate it cuz I'm not all eager and stuff like the other one, but I mean, I technically have nothing to say. I'm not good with small talk. But I at least make the effort to TRY. Big gestures aren't necessary. Just appearing and talking would be fine.

And the OTHER one! Threatening to send her to the other house! I mean how can you do that to someone who's old and been sick! Seriously. Its terrible, it really is. Nobody said it would be easy, and yes, she's a difficult patient. However, you ARE the youngest, WITH a maid that you aren't paying for, you aren't married, no children and apparently you have such wonderful qualifications to help all other kinds of people so taking care of her should be no problem. And I think you sort of owe it to the rest of them by selling off their house and going off to India. I mean I'm just saying. Ain't it ironic? You help OTHER people, and yet you complain truckloads when it comes to caring for her. Its not like you don't have a maid to help you. Sigh.

Man, this is like the most "dangerous" post I've ever written here before. I hope to God none of them sees it and catches on to what I'm complaining about. However, given that when you google me, it doesn't come up, I think I'm farely safe. Besides, even if they DO see it, they bloody deserve it.

Just realised that I've gone past 200 posts. Which is a LOT I think. Anyway, I was watching the video below and I realised that I didn't really dance it well. I think I may have forgotten that I was dancing for REAL or something because there wasn't any energy in the way I danced. I mean compared to some others, it was pretty obvious, at least to me. Which now I realise, made me regret it. Regret not dancing my best, even though its just some alumni thing. I mean I usually put my all on the stage when I have to. Its a new experience, regret on the stage, cuz usually, I prefer my performances to be perfect or as close to perfect as I can get it. I mean its the only area in my life that I can try and perfect. Indian dance is the ONE thing I'm good at I know. Even kathak, I bet if I went for dance classes every week at least and I performed annually like I did for bharatha natyam, I would probably be pretty good.

I'm not tooting my own horn. I still don't call myself a "dancer" because I don't FEEL like I am one. But I have to acknowledge that I mean I CAN at least do Indian dance. So yeah, new experience, regret. Then again, in a way, It was the first time that I really couldn't wait for the show to be over. Even for the NUS performances, when they ended, I felt a bit sad. But this one, (sorry honey!), I really couldn't wait for it to be over. Partly because of the "stress" of losing face, partly because of the costume issue, it just stopped being fun. Technically it was already a burden-ish, though I didn't realise it when I said yes, because of my deadlines that were ridiculously close to the Puyal day. Ultimately, I just don't enjoy the feeling of regret. EVER. but since I've always felt it with regard to exams and work, I'm used to it. But I'm not used to regretting it on the stage. Sigh.

One more paper to go and I'm here writing on the blog. Its like i WANT to fail or something.
Good luck shini

Puyal 2010 Alumni

These are the videos of the dance, that I helped to choreograph with my senior, for my old jc's alumni dance. Its a technological feat in itself that I managed to get these videos uploaded, IF they can be viewed.

love love!

Love

I visited the blog belonging to a friend of mine's recently. I haven't been following it regularly (sorry honey!) but I do know that he had a few issues with love. It might be safe to say that those issues are slowly being cleared up(?). I bring this up because I thought of something and thinking about it reminded me of him.

The only kind of love I've experienced is that from family. So in a way I guess that you could say my information is incomplete, but what can you do? Nevertheless, I think that its sufficient for me to be able to decipher my thoughts on this subject in a fairly clear manner.

I think that if you know that you're loved by others, you're a much more different person. As in, take two people. Both are brought up the same. They get married, and both give birth to 5 children. (I'm talking about women here) These women bring up their children. Unfortunately, I can't keep things constant here, because one's family lives in a middle-class suburb and the other, in a kampung. However, we shall assume that their external surroundings suit them. Now, as these women grow old and their children slowly get married off to start their own families, we see the product of their parenting skills. One's children adore her and her husband. They are well taken care of. So much so that when her husband passes away, she too follows suit a few years later. There isn't much scientific evidence here but you can make your own assumptions. The other woman's husband passes away however she lives a long long life till present day. This other woman who lives a long life, lives to see most of her children get married and even has grandchildren approaching their 20s.

However, she has not been loved. She had been virtually shuffled around among her children. Her plan of living with her youngest fell through, when her youngest chose the spouse over her. She spent her life serving her husband and children, and yet when she is old now, somewhere something went wrong because there is not an ounce of filial piety or love in any of the children except what is forced. It takes a month-long-stay in the hospital and a disease that is supposedly going to kill her to get all 5 children in the same room together. When asked, what caused the disease to suddenly appear in a woman who was so conscientious about her health, concrete answers aren't given. Mutterings of "it just happens in old people" are then quickly heard.

Looking at the entire life story of the two women, only one conclusion comes to mind as warped and distorted as it is. One woman was safe in the knowledge that she was loved by those who knew her. The only time she was alone was when she passed. Her children even comment occasionally now, that it was strange that no one was with her at that time but I think it was meant to happen that way. It could explain why she went so quickly and was not in any prolong state of suffering.

However the other woman, though she lived longer, much much longer she was not loved or cared for. The children she wanted to live with pushed her away and the ones who wanted her to live with them, she pushed away. Age catches up and a disease suddenly hits her. Perhaps, the consequence of not being loved and cared for properly after giving so much in her early life, possibly brought on by herself in her unhappiness. For if you don't feel loved, or cared for, chances are you're not particularly happy. Doctors say you can't die from a broken heart, but they also say that if you're sick, if you have the will to survive and your medical condition could swing either way, you will survive. If you're unhappy, so so unhappy, that its been accumulated for at least 25 years, then it could be said that you lose your will to live. Furthermore, your body no matter how conscientious you are, will break down slowly. The lack of will, in my opinion will speed up the process.

This has been the most round-about way of me explaining a thought, but frankly I couldn't think of any other way.
Lesson of the day? Probably the most cliched of them all: tell or at least show your close ones that they ARE at the very least loved by YOU. I know it is not an easy thing to do, specially when being brought up in an Asian society where affection is not openly displayed by family members. However, I think that even just trying to make sure that your loved ones have a good day, especially when you can do something about it, is good enough. It's not a one-off thing mind you! Do try everyday. That way, at the end of the road, when he or she looks back, it looks pretty good and decent and that will let them not mind the obstacles and grumbles and other unhappiness they might have experienced and perhaps pass on peacefully. Afterall, that is the moment we are all worried about right? The moment on your deathbed and you look back and think "did I have a good life?". The answer to that is important not only to yourself but your loved ones who are (hopefully) gathered round your bed. A positive answer will help your surviving family members move on more calmly after you're gone.

So yes, do your best everyday so that at the end, all izz well. Apologies for such a somber post. loves to all (the FEW who read this blog)

love,
shini

Transgenders

Full interview: Why did you choose to become a woman? @ Yahoo! Video

This is an interview, on Yahoo!
A transgendered person, Adriana Roslan talked about her opinions and life.
I just happened to come across it actually and I mean, personally I just view them as normally people. Some people will sneer, jeer, make crude jokes and I don't think its funny. They really ARE the same as everyone else, they just happened to be born in the wrong body. I mean I guess they got a bad rep from those who solicit as prostitutes. Then again, they should just be looked at as prostitutes and not as transgendered prostitutes. Maybe they had to turn to it cuz noone was hiring? See how that perpetuates into a vicious cycle? So yeah. If you aren't sure what to call them, then just ask. Its simple and polite.

The thing is, when I DO see an transgendered person, I do stare. Not because I'm a hypocrite or anything. Its just that they look so PERFECT. Like seriously!!! Their legs are as long as my entire body, gorgeous figure and expertly applied makeup! I mean how can you NOT stare at them, in ADMIRATION! Seriously. That's all it is. sigh. I swear, the amount of effort they put into their outfits, would put any female to shame.

There is that arguement that if you're BORN a female or a male, you are SUPPOSED to behave like that and have your physical appearence as such. However, I don't believe that. Wouldn't you rather dress as how you FEEL? If you feel and know without a shred of doubt that you're not supposed to be male, or not supposed to be female, then yeah, by all means, change. Change so that you're comfortable. I know this is all very easy to say when no one close to is changing. I mean people would say that well what it your son wanted to have a sex op? Would you be happy? Well, frankly, there'd be some shock. Unless I knew all along, there would be some shock. BUT, I'd be happy. I mean hello? I get to have another shopping partner! Who'd look gorgeous! Of course there's that whole "will she get married and will I get my grandkids?", but there's always adoption! So yeah. And any friends who are thinking about permanent changes, in any form, I say, if you're sure and comfortbale with it, GO FOR IT. Just know that if everybody else abandons you, you'd still have ME:)

love love,
shini