Love

I visited the blog belonging to a friend of mine's recently. I haven't been following it regularly (sorry honey!) but I do know that he had a few issues with love. It might be safe to say that those issues are slowly being cleared up(?). I bring this up because I thought of something and thinking about it reminded me of him.

The only kind of love I've experienced is that from family. So in a way I guess that you could say my information is incomplete, but what can you do? Nevertheless, I think that its sufficient for me to be able to decipher my thoughts on this subject in a fairly clear manner.

I think that if you know that you're loved by others, you're a much more different person. As in, take two people. Both are brought up the same. They get married, and both give birth to 5 children. (I'm talking about women here) These women bring up their children. Unfortunately, I can't keep things constant here, because one's family lives in a middle-class suburb and the other, in a kampung. However, we shall assume that their external surroundings suit them. Now, as these women grow old and their children slowly get married off to start their own families, we see the product of their parenting skills. One's children adore her and her husband. They are well taken care of. So much so that when her husband passes away, she too follows suit a few years later. There isn't much scientific evidence here but you can make your own assumptions. The other woman's husband passes away however she lives a long long life till present day. This other woman who lives a long life, lives to see most of her children get married and even has grandchildren approaching their 20s.

However, she has not been loved. She had been virtually shuffled around among her children. Her plan of living with her youngest fell through, when her youngest chose the spouse over her. She spent her life serving her husband and children, and yet when she is old now, somewhere something went wrong because there is not an ounce of filial piety or love in any of the children except what is forced. It takes a month-long-stay in the hospital and a disease that is supposedly going to kill her to get all 5 children in the same room together. When asked, what caused the disease to suddenly appear in a woman who was so conscientious about her health, concrete answers aren't given. Mutterings of "it just happens in old people" are then quickly heard.

Looking at the entire life story of the two women, only one conclusion comes to mind as warped and distorted as it is. One woman was safe in the knowledge that she was loved by those who knew her. The only time she was alone was when she passed. Her children even comment occasionally now, that it was strange that no one was with her at that time but I think it was meant to happen that way. It could explain why she went so quickly and was not in any prolong state of suffering.

However the other woman, though she lived longer, much much longer she was not loved or cared for. The children she wanted to live with pushed her away and the ones who wanted her to live with them, she pushed away. Age catches up and a disease suddenly hits her. Perhaps, the consequence of not being loved and cared for properly after giving so much in her early life, possibly brought on by herself in her unhappiness. For if you don't feel loved, or cared for, chances are you're not particularly happy. Doctors say you can't die from a broken heart, but they also say that if you're sick, if you have the will to survive and your medical condition could swing either way, you will survive. If you're unhappy, so so unhappy, that its been accumulated for at least 25 years, then it could be said that you lose your will to live. Furthermore, your body no matter how conscientious you are, will break down slowly. The lack of will, in my opinion will speed up the process.

This has been the most round-about way of me explaining a thought, but frankly I couldn't think of any other way.
Lesson of the day? Probably the most cliched of them all: tell or at least show your close ones that they ARE at the very least loved by YOU. I know it is not an easy thing to do, specially when being brought up in an Asian society where affection is not openly displayed by family members. However, I think that even just trying to make sure that your loved ones have a good day, especially when you can do something about it, is good enough. It's not a one-off thing mind you! Do try everyday. That way, at the end of the road, when he or she looks back, it looks pretty good and decent and that will let them not mind the obstacles and grumbles and other unhappiness they might have experienced and perhaps pass on peacefully. Afterall, that is the moment we are all worried about right? The moment on your deathbed and you look back and think "did I have a good life?". The answer to that is important not only to yourself but your loved ones who are (hopefully) gathered round your bed. A positive answer will help your surviving family members move on more calmly after you're gone.

So yes, do your best everyday so that at the end, all izz well. Apologies for such a somber post. loves to all (the FEW who read this blog)

love,
shini