Sometimes, I wish that I could stop thinking. That the voice in my brain, which is not some weird "voice in my head" thing but just my OWN voice would stop talking and thus basically thinking. Even when you THINK you're "stoning" or while you're watching tv where you think that your brain is "turned off" its not really. I mean OBVIOUSLY its not la, because then you'd be brain dead but there's no "hibernate" or "sleep" mode like a laptop. Even when you are sleeping, you're still thinking, but worse, in the form of dreams. And let me tell you, as I've said before, dreams can be exhausting too.

Then again, if you don't think, and if you're voice isn't always speaking, to yourself, then you'd be dead. It's probably a sign if the internal voice stops talking. You're probably near the end. So in a way, clearly its good that your head can't stop thinking and talking. Drives you nuts, but still. it'd be nice to put it on pause for a while at a time sometimes.

shini

Both ends of the scale

I've had a few things on my mind lately and at some point, I figured that I had to let it all out because then new topics and things can enter and be analysed in my head.

So here goes nothing.

First, this started with my dad telling me about this colleague of his. He had worked with her, previously and stuff and then I thought he was going to tell me something interesting about her, like at 50, she's getting married for the first time or something (don't laugh, I've gone for such a wedding; but it was my mum's friend). Well, I wasn't wrong, he did tell me something interesting about her, but on the other end of the scale.

She had passed on and that day was her final rites. He couldn't even go for them because it was already like 7 plus. The thing is, my dad usually goes for these things, if he knows about them.
She apparently had most of her family in Australia and like maybe one sister in Singapore. My dad didn't know about her passing because there wasn't even a mention in the obituary section of the newspaper. He said that because she's single, they want to just do the whole thing quickly and be done with it.

And I found that immensely sad and unjust. I mean everyone's passing is important. Therefore their last rites are just as important. And not putting it in the newspaper, prevents other people from saying goodbye one last time. Just because you're single, with no offspring, doesn't mean that people won't miss you. Of course there's a less negative way at looking how her relatives handled the situation but frankly I can't think of it. Which is why I put up on facebook a suggestion.
If you're going to be single for the rest of your life, then you must interact with your friends and friends' children. Have all kinds of friends and don't withdraw from the world. Otherwise, when you go, there'll be no one to remember you. My parents have some single friends, at this age. When they go, should they outlive my parents, I'll still definitely remember them. I may not have known them very well, but I'll remember how they interacted with me. So yes, just a note out there, Have many friends, meet them up, keep in contact and make your mark on your friends, because that may be the only way you can make your mark on the world.


Okay, now onto another topic.
oh crap, i've forgotten another thing I wanted to talk about.
Okay never mind.

Moving on....
I was thinking about Chick-lit stuff. You know like movies, and books? I'm a big fan of Chick-lit. I think I've even defended it before on this blog, or it might have been about hindi movies. Anyway, so you know I watche/read them.
Well lately I've been disappointed of them of late. I knwo that with fluffy material like that, if you read/watch enough of them, you can predict the ending. You KNOW who will end up with whom and what will happen. Its inevitable. And I used to be fine with that. But for some reason, its been bothering me. The predictability of such storylines is dare I say it, boring me and I've been thinking about taking a "sabbatical" from such material and focusing on perhaps, more serious fiction.
The thing is, I love love stories(despite my ring tone) and I love romance. The sweeping off of the lady's feet, the chemistry you can see between the characters, it all just thrills me and well, sort of gives me hope(though I KNOW no self-respecting Singaporean guy has no intention of embarrassing himself like that). So, what do I do?
As I think about write about this, I have the movie Easy A on download and I'm looking to find Post Grad online too, both real chick flicks. AND I'm excited to watch Band Baaja Baarat, a hindi lovestory/comedy soon.

Anyone got any suggestions?

Broke and Upset about it

Hello again children.

I thought I'd be fine with the whole being broke thing.

Unfortunately, I'm not.

There are simply too many things out there that I want to buy and that I supposedly "need" and people that I really do need to meet and meeting friends cost money anyway you look at it.

AND ITS KILLING ME.

And don't give me the "get a job" spiel. By the time I FIND one, the hols'll be over and I'm back at school. And I can barely negotiate a school timetable, that ends exactly when I want it and has a 3-day work week let alone a job thrown in. So I'm just going to like stick to pocket money.

But wow, I need to find things to do that don't require money at all. Though I suppose one can't do anything without transport so I'll try to come up with things to do without spending money AT ALL.

1. exploring the big houses near my area.
always wanted to do this but somehow never got round to doing it during the 8 month break or the 3 month summer hols. pathetic i know.

2. exercising
( i dont particularly enjoy this suggestion, but its so smack in your face, I had to type it)

3. re-arranging drawers and wardrobe and clearing of STUFF
again i don't enjoy this but it HAS to be done and doesn't require a cent.

4.Swimming
I like the water. but this is strictly for people who already HAVE seen me in a swim suit and that limits it to like 2 people apart from my parents' friends' children.
And they're not in town currently.

5. Visiting a museum.
I think my student card lets me enter for free for most exhibits, though I'm not sure about Pompeii. Still, would be a good outing. plus, lots of walking(=exercise) involved.

6. Going to Botanic Gardens and people gazing/cloud-watching.

7. Randomly coming up with a dance routine for a song(may come in handy in the future).
*note: time and energy required and cannot be performed in public space*)

8. Visit a friend?
(this is NOT called free-loading)...........okay well maybe it is.

Okay I can't come up with anything else at the moment and I desperately need to sleep so that I can wake up at 7 to go and RUN (its more of a SLOWWWWW jog but yes, must be done sooo..... gotta go)

tons of love, and shall continue this REAL soon.

shini

Its amazing what lessons you learn when your mother goes to Sydney for 3 weeks.
Already in the first week I learnt that I really should never do the dishes without gloves, which SHE's been trying to do for the past 4 years at the very least.
And I've also realised that the damn laptop IS bad for me. I've got a bloody headache from the glare I think. Unfortunately, I learnt this particular lesson at the wrong time when I HAVE to be staring at the screen, memorising points for the exam tomorrow.
Sigh.

Wonder what I'll learn in the 2nd week.

Shini

P.S. "mama can you hurry up and come HOME? its weird here. "

Wouldn't it be ridiculously ironic if I, a Political Science student, did badly in a module called Government and Politics of Singapore? A module that Computing and Engineering students take as an Arts GEM(General Exposure Module to those non-NUS peeps) or as a Singapore Studies module. I mean how can you take yourself seriously if you can't even argue intelligently and defend your opinions about you own country's politics? And yet, because its my LAST paper, and its over the damn weekend, and I had so much time to study for it, I have no motivation to study for it, so that is why i'm back to having 24 hours to study for it.

Its like I don't LEARN from past mistakes. Seriously, how stupid can one person BE?
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"-don't know who said/wrote it and I know its not exactly appropriate in this case, but I WAS full of good intentions.

You know what shini, just screw you and your future.
GO TO SLEEP and do your usual crap, I give up.


wow. I'm crazier than I thought.

LISTEN UP FRIENDS!

from the 4th to the 11th of DECEMBER, I will be unavailable to go out with you.

Why you ask?

Well, the blunt truth of it is that.........I'M BROKE.
Or at least I will be anyway.
So I figured I'd better inform all my friends, or rather the ones who bother to check out my blog, that I can't go out. I'd say that you are free to sponsor me on the outing, but I honestly don't like people paying for me much unless we NEED to meet and I'm truly broke or if its my birthday(then I absolutely refuse to pay a cent).

Therefore, please contact me, after the 11th, or on the 11th itself and we can set up a date!
Though I must warn you, after the 11th, my mother comes home from her UBER-long trip in Sydney, and she'll have lots of plans for the rest of the month, sooooooo you may have to fight with that for my dates. (i like sounding extremely popular, but the truth of it is that I'm dying to go out and meet you guys)
Just to warn you the 12th and 18th are already booked and probably another date as well, maybe the 19th cuz we have yet to host our annual DIWALI EXTRAVAGANZA for the parents' friends and offspring. SO yeah that's the short of it.

Oh! But you're more than welcome to call and stuff? Cuz I'll be most likely spending my days at home, re-arranging wardrobes and drawers and reading and baking(?) and maybe cooking(best not to call when i'm doing the latter 2; i might bite your head off, or you might hear some hysterical screaming and weeping) so yes, I'll be a good little home-maker (mother would be so proud).

Anyway, this brings me to the point that money is an extremely sensitive issue huh? People don't like outwardly talking about it, or saying that they don't have any(who does really?)
I personally am fine with talking about money, or at least admitting I don't have any. Yes its a reflection of my ridiculous spending habits and my inability to save, but you know what, its okay! At least then I can GET help for it right?
I'd like to talk more about this issue, but my mind's not into it right now.
so ciao for the moment!

love love,
shini

"It Gets Better" — Love, Pixar

I wanted so badly for this semester to be better and for me to do better. But I guess a lepoard doesn't change its spots. I really really wanted to pull my CAP up and DO better, but I have a feeling that its going to be the same this time as the last. I am absolutely unprepared for my first paper tomorrow and I'm still not panicking or freaking out. I still think that I'll get it done, and I'll be fine and I'll do decently well. Just because I got B+ for the essay, does not mean I'll do well for the exam itself. And it is a huge percentage of the final grade.
What's wrong with me? Why can't I learn from My lessons and others? How can I preach to my sis and her friend about not studying in time and enough for their A levels when I'm doing the same thing now?

Sigh. The thing is, when I decided to be more positive as person and stop becoming a bitch when I have deadlines and exams but isn't this behaviour just ridiculous optimism? Foolish idealism? How can I do well if I don't study enough?

And at the same time, all I can do now is to just pull myself up, and force myself to study and BE OPTIMISTIC.
*rolls eyes*

sigh common shini you can do this!

urgh.

you're not supposed to badmouth your family members on the internet, specially if your friends can see it. but if your family members are the ones that are putting you in a foul mood, and you can't take it, THEN what do you do?

keep it in?
write in a diary?
or just distract yourself with booze/music/comedies/food and forget about it?

why is it any of anyone's business what my size is or my weight?

I mean seriously, why to people tell ME that I cannot become fat, or put on weight? Its absolutely none of their business at ALL! I mean what am I aesthetically unpleasing to the eye that you have to TELL me that I need to lose weight? Or try and be "polite" and HINT that I should not get fat? what so that in the future I'll be able to get a good-lookin guy to marry me? like seriously!

IT IS ABSOLUTELY NONE OF ANYONE'S BUSINESS!!!! especially since its my bloody body and I'm not even obese or anything. Sure I'm fat if you want to say so but its not like a problem that can't be solved. If you're telling me that I am single because I'm unattractive because of my size, than screw you, you shallow creature. Furthermore, IF i was determined enough and worried enough i COULD lose the required weight and tone and SLIM down in time. So please, don't worry yourself about my size and my weight. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself without any help.
oh and also, I may laugh at jokes about my curves, but if you push me on a bad day, when I really AM feeling down and bloated about it, I WILL rip your head off.
Just a friendly warning.

Raavan

I just watched the hindi version of Raavan, starring Abhishek and Aishwarya Bachchan and Vikram. I absolutely have to deconstruct it. I really should be spending my time mroe wisely, but I really can't think of anything else. so...

WARNING WARNING: SPOILERS UP AHEAD!!!!
as in like the WHOLE story.



Okay, I really don't feel like going through the WHOLE story. I just want to say that it was a brilliant movie. absolutely positively brilliant.
Apparently it was a flop, but I honestly don't see why. The three main characters, are so complex and they showed their complexity through the acting. Mind you, I might be a little biased because I love Abhishek and Aishwarya. Separately and I guess together too.

I found it interesting that instead of most probably sticking to the same plot of the Ramayana, which is what most people thought would happen, they not only tried to create a whole other narrative but the characters weren't as one-dimensional as in the epic tale. Its very easy to portray Beera as a complete and absolute evil character, a tyrant of sorts, that rules above the tribals and local folk alike, and to portray Dev as the policeman with a gold-plate character, the hero of the film. Even Ragini, the heroine, and the lead actor was not simply the female protagonist that pines for her husband and despises Beera. Its not that simple and easy. The writer understood that humans are not as easy to confine in boxes like that.
Beera breaks rules and kills and tortures people, yes. However, people don't really do all that just for fun. And if they did, other people would not revere them. I think Abhisehk does Beera quite well, the slight craziness, the evilness, the reluctant gentleness. And Vikram was a truly formidable Dev, not perfect in his methods, not willing to negotiate with "criminals". Thank god though that he wasn't involved with the raping of Beera's sister Jamuniya. And omg Aishwarya, I have NO idea how she managed to film all that, TWICE. Seriously. And she really seemed extremely comfortable with Vikram, as her husband. Yet, halfway, you could see her warming to Beera.

OKAY I thought I could de-construct the movie, but I realise that I'm not eloquent enough to do so. Oh and lord the location that the movie was shot in. Simply marvelous! The shots, the water, everything. Made me wonder where on earth is that and oh, that scene on the bridge truly had me fearing for the actors' lives. That was beyond scary! and the scene before that, where total chaos had broken out! I've realised that I quite like fight scenes. So long as they don't look TOO fake. Also, people give grief that Abhishek is like the only actor that's not beefed up and that Aishwarya's become fat. I think that's extremely unfair and untrue. I mean come on, yes, I think that if actors are going to be famous, and on screen, they should be beautiful. But I mean hello? Have you SEEN Aiswarya's face? with NO makeup, and mud on her face, she STILL looks gorgeous. And I think Abhishek looks very good-looking too!. And I mean come on, it looks stupid if these characters are all buffed up with six-packs and slim waists. Seriously. I for one and glad that Abhishek looks the way he does, and Aishwarya too. Makes me "hate-envy" them less. And really WHO looks perfect in real life anyway? Unless you really value body-perfectness that much la.

Oh! And I think Govinda was quite amusing as his character of Sangeevni. Provided a little amusement. People also say that the first half of the story is paper-thin, but I mean I think that not revealing much in the beginning is kind of the point. Makes you want to find out.

This wasn't a very good de-construction but what the hell.

ciao!
shini

Romance and BGR

First of all, I know I'm old enough for them not to be called BGR but I felt nostalgic.

Anyway, moving onnnnnn, I know I talk and complain a LOT about being single, and its highly annoying to everyone (including myself) so I've been trying to cut down on the whining. However, I find relationships very interesting so I just like talking about them.

I was wondering, would you be in a relationship, if you knew that you don't see it as a long term thing? What I mean is, I mean you're not having sex or anything, but yeah la making out and stuff. However you know without a shadow of a doubt that you don't see you two lasting forever and ever, amen. You for example, don't see you getting married to each other. In fact, unless there are DRASTIC changes, you don't want to even entertain the idea of marriage. And let's face it, every girl or at least almost every girl thinks about marriage or the idea of it. Even at the age of like 16 or something.

Then, what's the point of the relationship in the first place? I know there are relationships where, you don't want to become attached, and its casual. But I'm talking about full on boyfriend and girlfriend, albeit a bit PG 13 la the action. Gifts are exchanged and everything. Almost like a YEAR. Then? No point right? If you don't see a future, or as long-term, then frankly what's the point in even continuing it for NOW. At some point you're going to have to grit your teeth, sit down and Break Up with the Person. It's also not very fair to the person right, them thinking that they have a very happy future together and stuff and you're sitting there wondering "how the HELL do I break up with this person!?" . Just stringing them along is not fair and just wastes time. So yeah I plain don't see the point in all of it.


Okay, new idea. I am actually quite glad that I'm single. I truly am. I mean I don't think I can handle the pressure and the stress. FROM MY MUM AND DAD AND EVERY RELATIVE AND FAMILY FRIEND. Seriously. My parents are such social butterflies, bloody know everyone and drag US everywhere so even if the friends don't remember our names, for SURE cannot forget faces right? Can you imagine having to worry about at LEAST 50 odd people seeing you when you're out with boyfriend? I'm stressed just THINKING about it. And then, when you want to go out, always must say you're going out with someone else. and DON'T take pictures. and like when you want to go out with alibi friends, for real, your parents are wondering why you're going out with them when you JUST saw them last week. So you tell another lie. Literally a WEB is created, of lies. Its jolly ridiculous la. And the sheer number of people you have to draw into your web as covers is substantial too. All because your parents dont think you should DATE. Because they dont trust the guys. Who CARES about the guys! You should trust your DAUGHTER right? If she is not interested, she's not going to let the dude get FAR. And if she does like him and get asked out ,you should be happy cuz it means that your daughter is not hideous and won't die alone. What, you really think she'll get pregnant or contract a STD on the date? Is she THAT easy? or stupid to get "raped" while on a date?
I mean she was disturbing enough to cut out articles about murders and rapings and fires and death for nearly a YEAR and put them in a scrapbook. She's quite well-versed in what to look out for and to protect herself. Honestly.
would you rather she lie and sneak around or to tell you straight in the face that she has a boyfriend? Because as weird as it is (specially for Asians), daughters or least some, still want you the parents to know about their lives, so that they can advice and prevent heartbreak. Deep deep down, they do. And wouldn't you want to know EVERYTHING that's going on in their lives? How would you feel if there were some things that you didn't even KNOW about? All because you have some warped views on how your children should live like. abit hypocritical don't you think? Because you didn't adhere to YOUR parents' view of how you should live.

shini

There's been this thing that's been bothering me of late.
I'm talking about the whole conversion-at-the-deathbed thing.

Don't know what I'm talking about?

Well not to speak ill of any particular community, but I mean its obvious that a large percentage of Indians in general are Hindus right? Well, within the families, sometimes there are Christian converts. Now, when an old lady or man dies, or is dying, on their deathbed, sometimes, these converts while visiting them may or may not approach the idea of conversion with them. Meaning asking them if they want to convert to Christianity. Perhaps citing that Jesus will take away their pain, and that its never too late to convert. I don't know exactly what they say. Whatever it is, and whatever they say does not matter. Reason being that it all comes to light when said elderly person passes on and the matter of the funeral preparations have to be settled and suddenly, instead of the usual rites for a Hindu cremation, there is a Christian or Catholic service and cremation (no burial in spore anymore).

*Gasp* shock! "I didn't know she was Christian? I thought she's so devoted to DurgaMata?"

Hence , we come to the conclusion that the elderly person was basically converted on his/her deathbed. I'm not accusing anyone or anything but this seems to happen especially when the elderly person has like a son or daughter that has converted and said son/daughter or his/her relatives somehow converted the elderly person. This also seems to happen especially when the elderly person has been suffering a lot over a long period of time. It makes more sense right?

I've got absolutely nothing against Christianity. Honestly I don't. I know there are certain denominations of the faith that advocates the preaching and spreading of said faith. Meaning, in layman terms, "convert more people, and you're more likely to go to heaven"
If I've paraphrased wrongly, please excuse me and I do apologise.

Now, this is all well and good. I mean, if that's part of your belief, then fine.

However, going after senior citizens, and "preying" on them when they're in their most vulnerable state, in great pain, or basically waiting to die and telling them that this other God will protect you, take away your pain and look after your "after-life" is simply evil, pathetic and despicable.
Strong words for strong feelings.
Seriously, how can you do that?
Especially to a mother or an aunt who's at the end of her life. Let them have the ending they expected and desired. And don't be so sly as to ask them when they're not even lucid enough to comprehend what you're asking or worse, take anything they say as assent.
Furthermore, what does YOUR religion or faith have to do with you're mother or father or aunt's faith? Why do YOU feel the need to ask your elder if they want to convert to another religion, after literally worshipping another God all their life? I just don't get it.
It just makes me really really sad la. Like my sister said, won't the elderly person not find peace then?
Worse still, I'm worried that this may actually happen in MY own family, though it probably won't if my dad has anything to say about it.
Then again, Paise bolte.

sigh.

now, I'm melancholic and emotional.

nights all.

shini

I realise that I haven't updated this thing in a REALLY long time. Then again, I know of others who've completely given up in blogging. I was actually thinking of trying out Twitter, because I figured that Twitter is a lot like blogging, only in smaller quantity. People still read your thoughts, just not whole stories. Which is probably why there can be misunderstandings from tweets, because the whole story is not written there. A whole truckload of Bollywood stars have twitter now and people are almost being classified into those who tweet and those who don't. Those who don't scoff and sneer at those who do and those who do think that those who don't aren't with it.

I personally think that if Bollywood stars tweet, many of them do so simply for publicity. To promot their upcoming movie. And its quite "coincidental" how certain stars get twitter, just before their latest movie is about to be released. Some stars on the other hand, have twitter because they honestly want to have it to put their thoughts on. To communicate with their fans so they don't seem so untouchable. I think that if stars are more reachable, they don't lose their "coolness" factor, simply cuz you can reach them by tweet. I mean you still see them on screen,and they're still in a whole other country quite far away. And that country is HUGE so the chances of a chance meeting are a million to zero. So yeah the "coolness" factor is still there but not SO present. For me, stars I didn't like before, seem a whole lot more likable now. More likeable=more likely to watch the movie=$$$$$ for them!
So I say everyone get on to twitter, just for the right reasons.
AND STAY UPDATED MAN!

On a whole other note, I really need to go shopping soon. like DESPERATELY
and yes,I am aware of how shallow and boring and bimbotic this post makes me look.
But frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. (quote quote from i'm not sure where!)
Besides, I think I've written a fair few "deep" posts to allow me some frivolous ones. I'm all out of "deep" thoughts I'm afraid.

I honestly have nothing else more to say, so I'll just log off and come back to my blog when i have something worthy to say.

love,
shini

P.S. School's started, its recess week now which means a whole 6 weeks have already passed and I still know nothing about my modules. Not a very good sign. Got 4 essays to write and I haven't started on ONE. Lord i'm a lard-ass. need to lose weight too. ARGH.
ta!

3-2

Well I've popped a cherry.

Before the jaw-dropping and the how-could-yous and plain HOW-THE-HELL-YOU-DON'T-EVEN-HAVE-A-BFs, I did write A cherry. not THE cherry. Also, if I did have sex, do you REALLY think I'd be writing it HERE for all to see, including FAMILY members?!

*rolls eyes*

lord.

I'm talking about SOCCER!
More specificly, the fact that I, have finally and ACTUALLY watched a soccer match LIVE in a stadium. And not just any match. ooooohhh nooo... A match in which my country was represented aaaannnnddd...(wait for it)....


WON!!!

Yes people, Singapore actually won. Against Montenegro. It was a brilliant experience. Seriously. I don't think My virgin experience could be any better. I mean there were 3 yellow cards, 1 red card, 1 penalty, 5 goals and oodles (yes oodles;i've always wanted to use that word) of really great football playing by BOTH teams. It was EVEN more exciting because the PM himself with a whole bunch of Ministers (i think, i only had eyes for the PM) came! He was sitting in the upper deck of the Grandstand and I've never seen the PM like LIVE before. EVER! it was a very very good match, completely entertaining, with excellent company(my two cousins, the older one who was a backseat coach/critic/player all rolled into one) and a fabulous atmosphere.
And after the World Cup, I had been missing the soccer action since I don't have mio and papa wouldn't get it, I can't watch my beloved Chelsea in the Epl. So i'm basically deprived of soccer till the next flippin' World Cup. And it really felt good to jump up and scream at the top of your voice cuz Spore scored.


HOWEVER.

While the spectators were appropriately enthusiastic for singapore, they were also awful hosts. Poor montenegro. Didn't even clap when they came out, or even when they scored.I mean of course not screaming when the penalty was shot is understandable but a genuine goal? and when the players got subbed, you're supposed to clap for the player leaving the pitch and the one entering the field, but NO! they didn't! They even BOOED if the ref gave them a free kick. I mean COMEON. Be a little more sporting la. I mean I'm sure that they would have prepared themselves for the negativity, hello how can you not; you're playing the host in HOME GROUND. But they're still athletes, and they're still kids. Granted, thoses dudes looked like giants next to our sporean players. No kidding. And prolly a whole lot hotter too(i couldn't see their faces properly which is why i'll watch the replay or smth if they show to check them out) but STILL. Sigh, i felt really bad for the other team. and some of them were really nice too, when they somehow banged into the sporean player, they'd offer help and see if he's okay and all that.

I think spectator's performance matters too, which is why it's always a pet peeve for me. It really annoys me and I mean athletes are performers too,they want recognition and applause. So yeah. anyway, my cousin says he'll try and get tickets for the semis.
Against Bolivia!

oooohhhh I totally cannot wait!

YAY SINGAPORE YOU GUYS WERE FANTABULOUS AND YOU MADE FOR BRILLIANT SOCCER TO WATCH! THOROUGHLY ENJOYABLE!!!

WE WONNN!!!!!!!

And Obviously, Great game to Montenegro, I really do think so from the bottom of my heart. Very good and close game. yay!!!

love
shini

Om shanti om

The movie was supposedly a hit obviously but I didn't realise how much I like the movie till I watched it a THIRD time.

I only watched it the first time was cuz my sis loves Shah Rukh Khan and so she HAD to watch it. Also, I have to admit, the guy can act.

I'm sitting here, watching it for the third time and I realize that the movie, actually had some good and real points. The idea that if you really REALLY want something, the universe will conspire to ensure that you get it in the end. Cuz I mean you will obviously be working to it so yeah. And the idea that people's lives should have happy endings. I just think that's amazing. ANd for some reason, when that climax happened, I felt so so SO sad. like inside heart hurting kind of sad. acting must have been superb then huh?

shini

Well I'm back from Phuket. I've told so many people about the trip that now I can't bear to talk about it here. So let's just say that it was a very interesting experience and that I'll never be the same after it.

I had a lot of thoughts I wanted to pen down and explore, but I didn't have a pen on me. I'm technically supposed to be doing household chores, as well as looking for a job, but I'm procrastinating and putting it on hold.

okay, this was a waste of time, cuz I truly have nothing in my head.

love, shini

Phuket and World Cup

I'm going on a trip in 2 days. Going to Phuket on saturday, till wednesday. I'm hoping that the people I'm going with don't read my blog and don't know it exists but truthfully, I'm not looking forward to the company. I'm excited purely for the location. The last time I was in Phuket was like at least 10 years ago, so I barely remember it. The tsunami of 2004 also would have changed much, both the people and the coastline. In that sense I'm looking forward to going back to that lovely place. However, though the people I'm going with are perfectly nice and warm, they're not exactly my age per se and I'm not very good with children of ages between 7 and 12. Before and after I'm alright but that particular age group is difficult for me. I'm sad that one of the people that usually does go, isn't this time, so the trip will definitely be strange without her. I'm just really really hoping that the trip will be fun and relaxing.

The thing is, the World Cup is on now and I just KNOW I'm going to miss some matches that I really want to watch. Officially I support Spain, France, Argentina and South Korea. I watch Portugal just for Christiano Ronaldo and I'm not ashamed to say it. Hello?! I AM a girl after all! However, I will instinctively support the underdog in a match. It was extremely embarrassing for Spain to lose last night to Switzerland, but I'm almost hoping that Spain DOES come up against Brazil, just because I know Brazil will slaughter them and it would serve them right for doing so badly against the Swiss in the first place. Sympathetic fan I am not. I really do like watching soccer, and not just for the hot guys(though those are in small quantity lately). I like the game itself and I can see if a goal will go in or not, at least from the angle itself and when they're offside or not. I look forward to a fast game, and can't bear it when they're slow. Cards make the game interesting, as do penalties but even just a well-done play is good too. So to the guys who think I watch if just for the players, YOU'RE WRONG. The hot players are a BONUS, not the REASON.

its interesting to see how different people watch soccer. Yesterday night I was yelling at the tv, which is not new for me. Doing it in front of people is new for me. Then again, they're so close to me, its not embarrassing. My father watches it quite quietly and most guys do too I think. My cousin says girls are very noisy, but then again, how can not be? We're ALWAYS noisy, and soccer is exciting so duh! My friend says I'm just as entertaining as the tv, but then again, she doesn't really watch soccer much, except the World Cup. I shall take that as a compliment.

Sigh. Okay, enough blabbering. Gotta go do laundry.

ciao lovies!
shini

Korean Drama

I have a confession to make.

I watch korean dramas.

Well technically I've only watched like 2 and I'm currently on my third.
I don't know what it is about them since the ones I've watched are just basically drawn out romantic/family dramas but you get really hooked on them! It helps that there isn't like season 1 and season 2, just one run of the show and that's it. They're fun to watch, and I'm so used to watching shows with subtitles that it doesn't take away from the real emotions shown on the show.

At the same time, I don't know why, but its sort of embarrassing for me to admit that I watch them. Maybe its my circle of friends and people or the general view that they're fluffy and ridiculous or whatever. I mean, when I watched Hana kimi, the taiwanese version on tv, or I tried to, my dad and mum were appalled and wondering why on earth am i doing it? My sister watched with me of course. They basically gave us grief about it. Then, again when me and sister were drawn and I mean literally DRAWN into watching Boys Before/Over Flowers, the korean drama, again, father teased and gave grief. Thank goodness he didn't catch on when I watched the short but sweet, You're/He's Beautiful. So can you really blame me for giving father grief for watching some Billionaire show, also a Korean drama on KBS and even TAPING it when he went out? I don't think so. He can still jack me back when he saw me watching Smile, You, the third Korean drama which I'm watching now online, after I made noise about him taping the other show. Humph.

I refuse to be embarrassed about watching dramas, Korean OR Hindi cuz they're fun and nice and quite frankly easy entertainment. If I wanted to LEARN something, I'D PICK UP ONE OF THE MANY BOOKS LYING AROUND MY HOUSE thank you very much.

humph.


and double humph.


shini

I'm going to assume that noone reads my blog. simply because i'm too lazy to take out my diary and write in it and I'd rather type and I need to get something off my chest so I'm writing in the smallest font so people won't be bothered to take the effort to squint and read it.

I"m going to be happy and cheerful and fine and normal and nice ALL THE FREAKING TIME from now on. Depressed and crabby shini is no more. I'm going to be in a good mood all the time. At least I'll portray that. To other people. I'll only be secretly sad and depressed on the inside. By myself and not tell anyone. Because depressed and crabby shini is not fun. My sisters both say so. People miss that shini. The nice and fun and normal shini. So I'll be her again. On the outside. Cuz its really not fair to other people. So yeah. Only I hope I do a good enough job so people can't tell. And since noone reads the blog, or at least I'm assuming here, its all good. Cuz i mean sad people are overrated and EVERYONE seems sad and having problems. so a positive person is attractive and useful.

shini

Wow. okay I did really really badly. Won't give the specific details, cuz that'll depress me even more. Its interesting; I don't think I've ever been embarrassed about my grades before. I mean I am not a smart student, not a hardworking one so my grades have been mediocre at best and downright terrible at worst. However, I've never been embarrssed about them. I've always thought that hey, I can do better, eventually and I DO do better eventually. That always sort of cheered me up. I don't know why I'm in such a shock that I did so badly this time, cuz i really and truly did not study. AT ALL. I mean I brought down to a new low. I guess I sort of achieved what I wanted in the end. To se how badly I could score with the most minimum amount of studying. But I didn't think I'd actually feel EMBARRASSED about the results considering I had always expected it deep down and I KNOW that I really did not study this sem. I guess, this is unforseen side effect of my little "experiment". I mean I could always say that, "don't worry shini, next sem you WILL study, all the time and not have to rush your assignments(though those weren't the problem) and you'll be more prepared for the finals(those WERE the problem) the 41hours a week and all that (calculated by a friend to be the number of hours a week I should be studying or at least reading)". And yes, I truly believe that I will do that because I mean, I WANT to get my As like everyone else. I WANT to be offered Honours like everyone else and I WANT to get like First Class or at least Second Upper. I WANT to study so hard and SO much that I've really tried EVERYTHING and to have NO regrets. I want to get those many As that everyone else gets. I want to feel like I'm smart and hardworking and as good as everyone else. So I will try harder next semester and study all those hours and do really well in my assignments and finals and even talk in Pol science tutorials. But the thing is, next semester is really far away and I'm feeling depressed NOW and I can't really DO anything about it.

THIS SUCKS. and its all my fault.

shini

There's this song, by Imran Khan, the singer, called Bewafaa and its my current favourite. A friend had sent it to me, quite some time ago, and while I had liked it then, it didnt' like catch my attention. You know when songs come out or when you first listen to some songs, some will just catch you? The songs from Aladin and more recently Raavan did that to me a bit. Just kept listening to them over and over again and it was love at first sound. And I'm not even talking about the usual danceable songs, which are a given. I loved the song You May Be from Aladin. And as usual I can't pinpoint what exactly it is that I love about it so much. Anyway, Bewafaa wasn't like a first love(sound). It took a while to like and then wham! love!

Now I can't stop listening to it. Imran Khan's other song Ni Nachle is my phone's ringtone(yes i have a ringtone that people can HEAR; I don't like my phone being on silent) Weirdly enough, those are the only twos songs of his that I just ADORE. The rest or whatever I've heard, just doesn't jump out at me.

Also, I watched this girl's version of Mayya Mayya from Guru and the girl's like 11 or something. Bloody HELL she's got a fab voice on her! I'll try and put the videos up. That's another song that just stuck on me like a barnacle. Especially HER version. Actually, the other version done by another contestant, older this time, in the previous season or something was VERY different, some might say weaker, but it grew on me as well.

Actually, I had something else to talk about here, but I think as I typed, I just changed mind, unconsciously. Weird things happen. anyway, if I remember, or the urge becomes too great, then you can expect to see another post:)

enjoy the vids(if they're up!)

Love love!!!

shini

the original. excuse the skimpily clad malika sherawat( slut of bollywood in my opinion) and the bad dance moves.

Chori Chori Chupke Chupke

There are few things in the world worse than losing a child. But I just realised something. Having a miscarriage and then not every being able to conceive or carry a child is pretty close. Being so ready and close to having a child, and then for some reason that's snatched from you is bad enough but being told that you can NEVER conceive or carry a child is like driving the stake further in your heart and twisting it.

The hindi movie Chori Chori Chupke Chupke introduces this sort of situation to the Indian masses. My favourite actress Rani Mukerji does a wonderful role of Priya Malholtra, the woman burdened with such a situation. Her and her husband's solution to the problem is unique. I shan't revela anymore than I already have but I really do recommend the movie. Its not your typical love-story round a coconut tree or in European scenery (though they do shoot quite a fair bit in Switzerland; they have to show SOME nice scenery! plus its interesting how the scenery is juxtaposed later) . Now that I think about it, the movie is quite well-done and written, even with the locations and background playing a role in the story. I know this is really random but the songs were up on papuyaar.com and I just happened to come across it. Peeps, I really do recommend you check it out. There is a version on youtube, with eng subs!
The link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6j0gkJotT2k&feature=related
Just copy and paste yea?
Anyway, I gotta get somewhere by 12pm and its already 5am so I gotta get to sleep for a bit!
love love
shini

I can't BELIEVE that they didn't go. I mean REALLY??? Okay, technically we didn't go either, on the day itself, BUT we did visit the day before. Ate dinner and everything, though I think the eating might have irritated her a little. But seriously, how could they NOT go? Of ALL days, after this whole ordeal?She doesn't even have a proper birthday! None of them, NOT ONE visited her. And none of that bullshit about not KNOWING what day it was because thanks to the media, EVERYONE knew. I mean radio and everything. So none of the "I didn't realise it was today". And even if they didn't know, what they can't visit out of LOVE? They went (sort of) when she was in the hospital. I mean she's still on the bloody tube and still can't EAT. I know I'm probably giving out too much information, airing dirty laundry in public and all that but I suddenly needed to vent. I didn't get a chance to do so properly earlier.

Besides, unless I've TOLD you about it, you wouldn't actually know. so its okay. I'm just amazed and flabbergasted by the coldness and blatant lack of regard for someone who's cared SO much for you. Just because she doesn't live with you doesn't mean that she's not your priority. How can such people be so uncaring? I mean do you not have consciences? Seriously are they defective or something? When I don't call for weeks, I feel bad! So bad that when I have a minute, I do call. Because I do remember. I can't speak very well, (my abiliy has worsened ssubstantially actually, I can't remember even simple words) but I still try. She probably doesn't even hear or listen or appreciate it cuz I'm not all eager and stuff like the other one, but I mean, I technically have nothing to say. I'm not good with small talk. But I at least make the effort to TRY. Big gestures aren't necessary. Just appearing and talking would be fine.

And the OTHER one! Threatening to send her to the other house! I mean how can you do that to someone who's old and been sick! Seriously. Its terrible, it really is. Nobody said it would be easy, and yes, she's a difficult patient. However, you ARE the youngest, WITH a maid that you aren't paying for, you aren't married, no children and apparently you have such wonderful qualifications to help all other kinds of people so taking care of her should be no problem. And I think you sort of owe it to the rest of them by selling off their house and going off to India. I mean I'm just saying. Ain't it ironic? You help OTHER people, and yet you complain truckloads when it comes to caring for her. Its not like you don't have a maid to help you. Sigh.

Man, this is like the most "dangerous" post I've ever written here before. I hope to God none of them sees it and catches on to what I'm complaining about. However, given that when you google me, it doesn't come up, I think I'm farely safe. Besides, even if they DO see it, they bloody deserve it.

Just realised that I've gone past 200 posts. Which is a LOT I think. Anyway, I was watching the video below and I realised that I didn't really dance it well. I think I may have forgotten that I was dancing for REAL or something because there wasn't any energy in the way I danced. I mean compared to some others, it was pretty obvious, at least to me. Which now I realise, made me regret it. Regret not dancing my best, even though its just some alumni thing. I mean I usually put my all on the stage when I have to. Its a new experience, regret on the stage, cuz usually, I prefer my performances to be perfect or as close to perfect as I can get it. I mean its the only area in my life that I can try and perfect. Indian dance is the ONE thing I'm good at I know. Even kathak, I bet if I went for dance classes every week at least and I performed annually like I did for bharatha natyam, I would probably be pretty good.

I'm not tooting my own horn. I still don't call myself a "dancer" because I don't FEEL like I am one. But I have to acknowledge that I mean I CAN at least do Indian dance. So yeah, new experience, regret. Then again, in a way, It was the first time that I really couldn't wait for the show to be over. Even for the NUS performances, when they ended, I felt a bit sad. But this one, (sorry honey!), I really couldn't wait for it to be over. Partly because of the "stress" of losing face, partly because of the costume issue, it just stopped being fun. Technically it was already a burden-ish, though I didn't realise it when I said yes, because of my deadlines that were ridiculously close to the Puyal day. Ultimately, I just don't enjoy the feeling of regret. EVER. but since I've always felt it with regard to exams and work, I'm used to it. But I'm not used to regretting it on the stage. Sigh.

One more paper to go and I'm here writing on the blog. Its like i WANT to fail or something.
Good luck shini

Puyal 2010 Alumni

These are the videos of the dance, that I helped to choreograph with my senior, for my old jc's alumni dance. Its a technological feat in itself that I managed to get these videos uploaded, IF they can be viewed.

love love!

Love

I visited the blog belonging to a friend of mine's recently. I haven't been following it regularly (sorry honey!) but I do know that he had a few issues with love. It might be safe to say that those issues are slowly being cleared up(?). I bring this up because I thought of something and thinking about it reminded me of him.

The only kind of love I've experienced is that from family. So in a way I guess that you could say my information is incomplete, but what can you do? Nevertheless, I think that its sufficient for me to be able to decipher my thoughts on this subject in a fairly clear manner.

I think that if you know that you're loved by others, you're a much more different person. As in, take two people. Both are brought up the same. They get married, and both give birth to 5 children. (I'm talking about women here) These women bring up their children. Unfortunately, I can't keep things constant here, because one's family lives in a middle-class suburb and the other, in a kampung. However, we shall assume that their external surroundings suit them. Now, as these women grow old and their children slowly get married off to start their own families, we see the product of their parenting skills. One's children adore her and her husband. They are well taken care of. So much so that when her husband passes away, she too follows suit a few years later. There isn't much scientific evidence here but you can make your own assumptions. The other woman's husband passes away however she lives a long long life till present day. This other woman who lives a long life, lives to see most of her children get married and even has grandchildren approaching their 20s.

However, she has not been loved. She had been virtually shuffled around among her children. Her plan of living with her youngest fell through, when her youngest chose the spouse over her. She spent her life serving her husband and children, and yet when she is old now, somewhere something went wrong because there is not an ounce of filial piety or love in any of the children except what is forced. It takes a month-long-stay in the hospital and a disease that is supposedly going to kill her to get all 5 children in the same room together. When asked, what caused the disease to suddenly appear in a woman who was so conscientious about her health, concrete answers aren't given. Mutterings of "it just happens in old people" are then quickly heard.

Looking at the entire life story of the two women, only one conclusion comes to mind as warped and distorted as it is. One woman was safe in the knowledge that she was loved by those who knew her. The only time she was alone was when she passed. Her children even comment occasionally now, that it was strange that no one was with her at that time but I think it was meant to happen that way. It could explain why she went so quickly and was not in any prolong state of suffering.

However the other woman, though she lived longer, much much longer she was not loved or cared for. The children she wanted to live with pushed her away and the ones who wanted her to live with them, she pushed away. Age catches up and a disease suddenly hits her. Perhaps, the consequence of not being loved and cared for properly after giving so much in her early life, possibly brought on by herself in her unhappiness. For if you don't feel loved, or cared for, chances are you're not particularly happy. Doctors say you can't die from a broken heart, but they also say that if you're sick, if you have the will to survive and your medical condition could swing either way, you will survive. If you're unhappy, so so unhappy, that its been accumulated for at least 25 years, then it could be said that you lose your will to live. Furthermore, your body no matter how conscientious you are, will break down slowly. The lack of will, in my opinion will speed up the process.

This has been the most round-about way of me explaining a thought, but frankly I couldn't think of any other way.
Lesson of the day? Probably the most cliched of them all: tell or at least show your close ones that they ARE at the very least loved by YOU. I know it is not an easy thing to do, specially when being brought up in an Asian society where affection is not openly displayed by family members. However, I think that even just trying to make sure that your loved ones have a good day, especially when you can do something about it, is good enough. It's not a one-off thing mind you! Do try everyday. That way, at the end of the road, when he or she looks back, it looks pretty good and decent and that will let them not mind the obstacles and grumbles and other unhappiness they might have experienced and perhaps pass on peacefully. Afterall, that is the moment we are all worried about right? The moment on your deathbed and you look back and think "did I have a good life?". The answer to that is important not only to yourself but your loved ones who are (hopefully) gathered round your bed. A positive answer will help your surviving family members move on more calmly after you're gone.

So yes, do your best everyday so that at the end, all izz well. Apologies for such a somber post. loves to all (the FEW who read this blog)

love,
shini

Transgenders

Full interview: Why did you choose to become a woman? @ Yahoo! Video

This is an interview, on Yahoo!
A transgendered person, Adriana Roslan talked about her opinions and life.
I just happened to come across it actually and I mean, personally I just view them as normally people. Some people will sneer, jeer, make crude jokes and I don't think its funny. They really ARE the same as everyone else, they just happened to be born in the wrong body. I mean I guess they got a bad rep from those who solicit as prostitutes. Then again, they should just be looked at as prostitutes and not as transgendered prostitutes. Maybe they had to turn to it cuz noone was hiring? See how that perpetuates into a vicious cycle? So yeah. If you aren't sure what to call them, then just ask. Its simple and polite.

The thing is, when I DO see an transgendered person, I do stare. Not because I'm a hypocrite or anything. Its just that they look so PERFECT. Like seriously!!! Their legs are as long as my entire body, gorgeous figure and expertly applied makeup! I mean how can you NOT stare at them, in ADMIRATION! Seriously. That's all it is. sigh. I swear, the amount of effort they put into their outfits, would put any female to shame.

There is that arguement that if you're BORN a female or a male, you are SUPPOSED to behave like that and have your physical appearence as such. However, I don't believe that. Wouldn't you rather dress as how you FEEL? If you feel and know without a shred of doubt that you're not supposed to be male, or not supposed to be female, then yeah, by all means, change. Change so that you're comfortable. I know this is all very easy to say when no one close to is changing. I mean people would say that well what it your son wanted to have a sex op? Would you be happy? Well, frankly, there'd be some shock. Unless I knew all along, there would be some shock. BUT, I'd be happy. I mean hello? I get to have another shopping partner! Who'd look gorgeous! Of course there's that whole "will she get married and will I get my grandkids?", but there's always adoption! So yeah. And any friends who are thinking about permanent changes, in any form, I say, if you're sure and comfortbale with it, GO FOR IT. Just know that if everybody else abandons you, you'd still have ME:)

love love,
shini

I've just caught the episode of Friends on Starworld where Chandler proposes to Monica and I realised that I LOVE proposals! Like completely and absolutely love love love watching them! I just think that they're so romantic and so well, hopeful you know? Like we don't know if the marriage will last 50 years or 5, but at that moment in time, you hope that THAT couple are together forever. In that sense, those movies about married couples, are kind of painful, because more often than not, those years when the kids are young, and the parents hardly have any sleep, the marriage is not exactly hopeful. I guess that's why movies don't really have storylines that are about couples in that part of their lives. The only movie I can think of is Revolutionary Road. That was like the only other Leo DiCaprio movie I had watched till then and I actually only watched it because of Kate Winslet, because I wasn't a fan of Leo then. That was a very good movie, LOVED it actually.

I was searching for this ring that bought sometime ago. It looked pretty delicate so I kept it carefully in its packaging and everything, and obviously put it some where so safe that NOW when I want to wear it, I CAN'T FIND IT. Anyway, Still haven't found it, though I'm hoping that it'll turn up somewhere and SOME point. However as I was looking I found some pieces of jewellery that I've NEVER seen before or at least for a really really long time. My drawer's so full of stuff that when I go looking for something, I end up discovering something else. Its like a real treasure chest! Just felt like writing about that here. Notice that I haven't been writing about the stress I may be feeling or the number of assignments or how screwed I feel? Well, that's because whenever someone asks me about school, I usually tell them that and I always get the feeling that its too much information so now I just say that everything's going fine, all fabulous, school's school and so on. Of course the younger ones are surprised and say that oh that's really positive way of looking at it, and then of course I come clean and say that well, if i'm not positive about it then i'd be feeling depressed and that's not fun so yeah. oh god this is SUCH a horrible post. But whatever.

shini

This may sound really random, specially when I haven't blogged in weeks, but I just thought of something odd and I had to write it down. For some reason, though I find Aishwarya Rai Bachchan still a little cold and distant at times, but I gotta saym when she dances, she's extremely sexy! And she does it with such panache! I think its because she really gets into the character. Plus I think cuz she's a really good dancer, with good skills. Which is why I really applaud her for doing this song, even though i'm sure even SHE knows she's not as slim as she normally is. But I completely forget about her figure cuz she's so sexy here! Here's another video I love, which she just happens to be in. notice, both videos, she's an ITEM girl, doing moves you wouldn't normally associate her with.



love love
shini

I came across this website, on Penny's Daybook. Its a quirky way to get over a relationship that ended. Called exboyfriendjewellery.com. I checked out the earrings and the stuff's really quite good! Diamonds and everything! And quite a number of the pieces are new, ( no need to explain why). If it weren't for the fact that I don't HAVE money, and that I'm not a diamonds person, YET, and that I have no way of paying for them (they're all from the US), I'd totally buy a piece.

Only thing that occurred to me was that the pieces, are obviously a reminder of the failed relationship to the owner. Well, one could say that though the pieces are new and have never been worn, there could be some "bad vibes" that could have rubbed off onto the pieces. I know that sounds really ridiculous and superstitious but don't tell me it didn't occur to you either! Of course this isn't limited to just ex-boyfriend jewellery, but to all pre-loved things. (yes the word pre-loved is preferred by many over "second-hand" or worse, "used" *shudder*) You never know what sort of situations the previous owner could have been in when they had worn say, that red skirt? Or perhaps who might have given the previous owner that old indian necklace?

On one hand, the idea of the histories behind each item, gives it flavour and makes it interesting and can even provide a conversation starter. On the other hand, its kinda creepy that other people have used the items before you. You don't know where it could have been and how CLEAN it really is. Then again, if you're the kind to worry about cleanliness, and I mean bing fastidious about it, then you wouldn't be going into the thrift shop in the first place. Still, you wouldn't be able to like, have the first memories of the item. I mean I know that the item isn't like a boyfriend or girlfriend, but you'd always wonder, what had the previous owner gone through with it? You don't have that when the item is new, just like if you date a girl who's NEVER had a boyfriend, or been on a proper date, you know that you don't have to worry about her comparing you to her previous dates or bfs. And yes, I am aware that I just compared a girl to an item, but you KNOW I don't mean it in that degrading way. After all, I AM a girl myself.

Anyway, I'm done wondering about this, and am feeling guilty about wasting the entire saturday away, (BLAME DIVY) so I shall TRY and finish Plato by today even though my prof has finished Aristotle too already, so yes, I am screwed.

LOVE LOVE
SHINI

P.S. I really really REALLY hope that neither of my parents ever find this blog. mama and papa, if you're reading this, DON'T TELL ME IN ANY WAY. and please stop reading, for your sake. Oh! and apparently my dad has a blog too, with receipes on it. I don't know whether to look for it or pretend he never told me and forget that it exists. I'm gonna go with the latter for now.

ciao!
P.P.S. MY MOTHER IS GOING FOR KUMAR STRIPPED! ON FRIDAY!!! and she always said she'd never go. well here she is, going WITHOUT ME. *rolls eyes* my mother has a more happening social life than me, as of this moment, she's getting ready to go out with "the ladies", while I'm sitting on sofa, wondering what the movie on tonight is and whether I should watch it or not. Sigh. ta loves

Kathak ki Kahani

The above event in the title slot ended 2 days ago, but for some reason I've waited till now to write about it. Don't get me wrong, I'd have definitely written about it but I guess I was just waiting to be in the right frame of mind.

And now I am!

Okay, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, Kathak ki Kahani is a a production put up by NUS Indian Dance (Kathak), and was one of the programmes included in the Exxonmobile Campus Concerts festival thingy and it was held on the 17th of February(can't believe that's how its spelt), 2010 at the University Cultural Centre in NUS. The concert is about the history of Kathak, a dance form originated from north India and showcased 5 pieces, Bhajan, Holi, Raas, Mughal and Contemporary. I performed in Bhajan and Raas.

Now that the background is over, let's get to the dissection of the experience proper. First of all, I'm not a kathak dancer. Not traditionally. I had been a Bharatha Natyam dancer for a long time, and those of you who know your dance forms, you'll know that they are 2 completely different kinds of dance forms. I mean hello, they originated from geographically different places. So when I was asked to do the dances, I was extremely apprehensive about it. More so when I saw the choreography. There's this thing that appears a lot in Kathak, called chakars. They're basically, turns, either on the spot or while you're moving. The different levels of difficulty are based on how many times you step before turning and of course the speed. People normally turn or spin on their toes, but unless you've been training in contemporary or jazz for years or if you're an ice-skater, your toes will blister and hurt when you spin on your toes, continuously. In Kathak on the other hand, you're supposed to pivot on your heel and keep your balance with your other foot. Slowly, its not a problem, even I can do it, if I practice enough. Its the faster ones that cause the problems.

So you can imagine my horror when I saw that Bhajan ended on like 25 chakars. I was completely convinced that I was screwed. Plus the finale, had me spinning out, from the curtains, and then having to do really fast chakars, 4 at a time. By the time we were lik 2 days away from the show, I was seriously freaking out. I had managed to master the Bhajan spins, but not the finale, and I was seriously worried about spinning off stage in onto someone's lap(the audience was like literally 5 inches or less from the stage). Just before we were going to start, like half an hour before 8pm, I was wringing my hands and pacing in the dressing room and just basically freaking out completely. I had NEVER been so so scared to perform. NEVER in my entire life of going on stage. I was never so insecure. One could almost say stage fright. And I've been going on stage since I was in kindergarten mind you. I mean I could do the dance in my sleep, but at the same time, I could also just blank completely and forget the steps. I wasn't confident at all. And at the same time, I wanted it to be perfect. It didn't help that for the first time I had to change between dances. I NEVER had to do that. So yeah it was safe to say that getting through THIS performance and doing it well was a personal achievement for me.

Did I enjoy myself on stage? Well I'm not one for attention, though it can be hard to believe since I perform a fair bit. But see, I perform because I like dance, not cuz I like the attention. If my family and friends didn't come to the performance, of course I'd be disappointed, but, I'd still be fine. So when I'm on stage, I'm not really enjoying the audience's attention, but I am enjoying the dancing. Or rather the perfection of the dance, on my part. I really like nailing a routine, gives me a rush. When I can't nail it, its such an awful feeling I tell you. And you know what, I was totally enjoying myself on stage, the dancing part. So at some points, the plastered fake smile, was real.
After the show, we was a resounding success by the way, my parents and friends told me we were sitting in the 4th row. Which was kinda near where I was staring at I think. That night's performance was the 1st after 13 years, that my entire family had gone to. The last time, it was in primary 1, when I was playing the little blue bird in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. You'd have thought that as little bird, I wouldn't do much, but I totally had lines. I was sort of the leading bird, like there was the leading squirrel and leading racoon. I actually remember being on stage and the rehearsals. And on the video, which of course my proud parents bought, you can see that I totally rolled my eyes on stage, presumably cuz I was tired of flapping my wings and flirting with the Prince. It WAS tiring you know. Anyway, I apparently have a habit of unknowingly rolling my eyes on stage, which I hope I didn't do that night. Gotta ask di. Anyway, I'm hungry now so I'm gonna go eat my brunch now. Ciao!

love love,
shini

I'm in obviously a MUCH better mood right now. I actually should go off to shower( yes at 1.30am), but I gotta write this quick.

About like an hour ago, I was feeling frustrated and tired and just urgh. Cuz I had finished dance, about 8 or 9 hours of it and I have dance tomorrow and the next few days, making sure its perfect for the show, WHICH IT WILL BE THANK YOU VERY MUCH, but yeah its tiring. And NOW, I'm in SUCH a fabulous mood, I could like sing and dance and do turns! its amazing what a really good episode of a favourite show, which you had to wait a WEEK to watch can do to your mood. I just managed, after much tears and blood and sweat, to watch the entire episode of Grey's Anatomy season 6 episode 14 and it was so so cute and wonderful, but also sad which is exactly what I expect from it and I'm just really really happy now (which you can tell cuz i'm totally rambling). And it was so cute, cuz the episode, was on Valentine's day, which it is, officially. Ordinarily, i'd not exactly HATE Valentine's but, just be indifferent to it. After all, I don't have that SPECIAL someone right? of course I'd be wishing all my friends and giving the close ones little presents, but that was in the past I guess, when I did that in school. Now, not so much. At least this Valentine's I get to save money, rather than spend it. So I was kinda feeling bleurgh about it, but after watching the show, I'm in a much better frame of mind I guess. (stilll rambling as you can see). Okay, NOW, i'm just gonna go and shower and do the dishes my kind family has left for me.

love love,
shini

So not in the mood

I'm really in an urgh mood. I'm just NOT in the mood to talk, and pretend I care, and share my stuff and look pleasant. I just want some food, ANYTHING, a hot shower and some good 'ol vegetation either in front of the com or the tv. I just don't want to come home to loud noises. NOT ON A BLOODY FRIDAY WHEN I'VE BEEN IN SCHOOL THE WHOLE DAY. And when you told me, I thought it'd be a day thing, not an OVERNIGHT thing. Don't you think the OTHER occupants also deserve prior notice, or in you case, permission? I might be bitching, and sounding bitchy, but there you have it, i AM bitchy when I'm exhausted and haven't had much sleep the previous night. deal with it.

Argh. And you know what?

I don't even care if you see this. Although if I know you, you've probably NEVER read my blog. so whatever.

going off to sulk somemore and find FOOD.

shini

Pirates of the Carribbean Trilogy

I don't know if I've mentioned it here, but I COMPLETELY LOVE LOVE LOVE the Pirates of the Carribbean trilogy!!!

Like really really love love the movies and everything about them. I know people are like, "its just a hollywood-big-blockbuster with so-so acting and action and a whole load of water",(my mother described them to that effect), but I really like the stories and the twists and the weird information you learn and the amazing lines and of course I find Captain Jack Sparrow incredibly hilarious and strangely attractive. I especially love the 2 love stories and how in the end, Davy Jones was reunited with his love Calypso and the ending of Elizabeth and Will's love story could NEVER have been predicted. And let me just say that Will looked delicious after he was made captain of the flying dutchman(though it does disturb me that a DJ in spore is called the flying dutchman as well).

Something about the music in the movies, I don't know how to explain it in words, but I just love listening to the music. Especially this one tune, from the 3rd movie, you'll hear it in the video I'm putting up, the one titled "One Day". The tune from 2.39 onwards, that little thin tune, I truly just LOVE it and I don't know at the same time I just feel sad. Sigh. As you will probably guess, if you know me by now, I just finished watching the 3rd movie. My dad had taped it at my request when Channel 5 showed it on Sun (THANK YOU CHANNEL 5!), and I managed to watch it just now and ooooooohhh*swoons* totally had to offload some thoughts. As well as find some of the songs. Okay, I should go and do some reading before shuffling off for dance practice.

a pretty good version of the original i think

I'll look for the pirate song that they sing. only got the short one

Enjoy!
love love
shini

Star Screen Awards

I know a lot of people think Bollywood is lame, but well, I don't. So that's why I'm going write a post about the Star Screen Awards which I've just watched on Youtube thanks to a dedicated uploader, who did a marvelous job of uploading the entire show. Anyway, I've always wondered when they show the actors' faces, like during the performances or the jokes, or event he award presentation bits, what they're REALLY thinking in their heads. Since they always have this placcid look on thier faces, very rarely does the smile look real. So they must have something going on in the heads right? If I were at the awards shows I'd be smiling for real THE ENTIRE TIME. seriously. Then again, being SOOOOOOO close to so many stars, is bound to make me grin like an idiot.

I wonder what the stars really think about Salman Khan's performance. The guy performs like every year.Though I find it interesting that he wasn't even nominated this year, even though he had done like 3 films, he still did a pretty long performance, with kids. I thought it was a really good performance, I mean at least he didn't look tired out. I really applaud him you know, for performing almost every year, even though his popularity among his fellow actors has fallen. Lots of the public still like "Salman bhai" but I don't think many of his collegues do. Judging by the looks on their faces anyway when he performs. I personally still like the guy, just cuz he tries to do movies and performs,and has a tv show. And if u watch his old movies, not OLD old, but like some time ago, he's quite quite charming. So he's a fairly decent actor and he's done TONS of movies. So yeah, I really do like him and applaud him for trying. Of course I don't know or think he's the best partner, but whatever.

One thing I gotta mention as well, before I forget is that I hope the stars realise that without their fans, who go and watch their movies, they're nothing. They should totally be thankful to their fans and I also think that they should also sort of expect the fans to want to know all kinds of things about them, because well, that's how adoration works. At the same time, some privacy must be sort of kept, I think including their love lives because I'm guessing with non-famous people, if you go around saying u're with this person, when nothing's confirmed and its still the in-between stage so the other person might be scared off. So yeah, a little give a little take.
okay, i'm tired of typing so i'm gonna go now
LOVE THE STAR SCREEN AWARDS 2010!!! SHAHID WAS so so cute!!!!!!
shini

I'm just dying to get a new phone. I mean my dad's old phone is perfectly fine and captures great pictures and I can put many songs in it but still. Its not like what I picked. And right now, I'm totally craving a touch phone with a slide out keyboard. Any brand. Sigh. But I have to wait till my plan's done, which is like end of this year.

I'm also dying dying dying to go and buy new shoes. Like dying to spend my Charles&Keith voucher on a pair of heels. Unfortunately I can only go with my sister, so that we can maximise both our vouchers. And she for some reason is so freaking busy that she can't go or every time we happen to BE in the shop, she forgot to BRING the voucher. Sigh.

I also really really need to kick myself to do my work. or someone has to kick me. Seriously. urgh.

shini

Everybody Loves Raymond

I never used to watch Everybody Loves Raymond, when it was actually running for like the first time. Didn't think it was very funny or appealing.

Well after it ended its first run, Starworld started showing its re-runs after the re-runs of Friends, and I sort of began to watch it, and I'm totally loving it. Yeah sure its funny, and boy can the mother drive ME up the wall. But the thing is, what really surprised me was that the show could really touch my heart. There were actually episodes, in which I cried! Granted I'm somewhat of a crybaby and it could have just been hormones at that point in time, but I still think its quite touching!

Like there was this episode, where Frank was awarded Man of the Year in his club and his sons had to put together something to for the presentation ceremony and they decided to do a video of them getting his friends to say good things about him. Unfortunately, all his "buddies" had nothing nice to say about him so they just asked them how they felt about chocolate and they subbed that in. Obviously in the end, Frank knew that his buddies actually hated him, because Ray and Rob couldn't even get 5 minutes of genuine material from them. And he was really upset, but in the end, Marie told him what she'd have said on the video, and after much persuading, so did he and i just LOVED that bit. Another one I think was about when Marie went on a cruise with Ray while Frank was stuck at home with a broken leg while Rob looked after him and of course you can imagine how both fared. When she came home, he was miserable and irritable and she was in a fab mood. Basically, we sort of learn more about their relationship, that even though they really act like they can't stand each other, they geniunely love each other underneath all that. They even have sex on a regular basis! I totally bawled when watching that (not the sex part), the loving part. And even just now, when Ray discovered that Marie had been reading his diary all those years he kept one and was furious about it, and she was just the most upset about when he wrote that he hated his mom, with no explaination or exclaimation suggesting he was writing it in the heat of the moment. Deb was at first irritated that Ray had apologised to his mom for something she had done wrong but then she realised that, yeah, when you have all your doubts about being a good mother and noone is supporting you and your son is silent and then you read that he hates you in his diary, like its a fact, it really really hurts.

Makes me feel bad about when I had written somethings along those lines in my diaries. and yes, I have more than one. Granted, my handwriting is so bad it takes even ME a while to figure out what the hell I wrote, but I just hope that nobody EVER reads my diary. Especially my mother. Actually no, I mean NO BODY can ever read it. sigh.

okay, since I'm thoroughly screwed for tomorrow's tutorial, since I haven't DONE the reading, I should at least sleep NOW at 2 am so that MAYBE I will wake up early tmr.

SHINI

I'm not the most sportiest person on the planet....okay I AM the least sportiest person on the planet. However I found out about these two things, that I found really cool.

In Berlin, there's this thing called Urban Golf. You basically take your golf clubs and your golf balls and that thingy you stick the ball on, and go all over the city and hit balls! Like anywhere! Even off roofs! its so cool! I mean I've never played golf before, but I'd totally play urban golf. Sadly Berlin's the only place where you can do it as far as i know. Sigh.

Anyway, I saw this ad the other day. There's this thing called Smartpools. They're basically the length of an average man, or slightly longer and like 1 metre wide or something and you can actually swim like you're in a lap pool within that small area. How? There's this machine thing that like moves the water or currents or something that it feels like you're moving forward. Cool huh?! Then if you don't need the machine thingy, you just turn it off and use it as a splash pool! So cool!

so yeah, that's really it.

love love
shini!

I just read the most awful article ever on the net.

See I was reading this book, and it mentioned something about the Mini-sari and the furore it created in India when it was created. So I decided to check it out and see WHAT THE HELL IT WOULD LOOK LIKE, since I just couldn't imagine it and I came upon this ridiculous article arguing that women should wear saris all the time and it condemns the use of the salwar and jeans, separately or together. I wouldn't mind it so much but the way it was written, sounded so chauvanistic and disgusting that I couldn't BELIEVE that someone of this level could even EXIST in this time and age.

Personally I think that Saris are fabulous, though I'd never wear it because I think I'm too short for it to actually look GOOD on me? and it'll probably make me look shorter than ever, all that cloth. So yeah, but I think its still a wonderful representation of Indian culture but I don't think it is appropriate for work and everyday wear, like for moving around and going to the market even. See, the sari isn't the most secure of garments to wear, since its techinically just a blouse and a whole LOAD of cloth just wrapped around you, so really, it can quite easily fall off or unravel. its also easy for blunders to just occur. Plus, there's really nothing wrong with the salwar and jeans. Even the saris of the modern day, the kind with bikini tops and cholis and a sewn up and ready-made sari, its STILL a sari so I don't know what is that person's problem.

Anyway, I'll be going off now cuz I gotta wake up earlier tomorrow.

so, bye!
shini

Merchants of Bollywood!!!

Yes, as you can see from my title, I have gone to see the musical and my verdict?

I LOVED IT!!!!!

Granted that I'm not as discerning as the journalist from Life! newspaper who ALWAYS is sent to cover anything related to Indian culture and is ALWAYS reviewing the hindi movies, HOWEVER, I'm still an audience member and I can still have SOME valid points, thought I do know that I use capital letters too much.

Anyway, let me start talking about the show. The dancers were perfect, with so much of energy and they were absolutely in sync, ALL THE TIME! The costumes were so colourful and even mimicked the original costumes from the movies. The dancing, my gosh! I LOVED the dance moves!! The were so complicated, more so than the ones in the movies, because naturally, the ability of the trained dancers is much higher than that of the Bollywood actors and actresses. The theme of the story is something that I've contemplated before myself, traditional versus modern dance styles, especially since my mother is always complaining about the "vulgur hip thrusts" in all the songs nowadays. I didn't realise till now that, actually the show's story, while it has nothing directly to do with me (I don't have a famous choreographer as a grandfather), but if you think about it, it sort of does. While I'm always saying that I'm a crap dancer, I can't deny that i AM a dancer. Its interesting cuz I've been learning classical for so long, and still learning(sort of), and yet, I'd love to learn the Bollywood style of dancing too!

What I loved especially about the show was that during the entire musical, the dancers on stage would be whooping and yelling and cheering while they danced and they always made it a point to tell the audience to clap along! It made it feel almost concert-like. At some point, 2 of the dancers came off the stage to dance with some of the audience members and I could see, at the front, the guy the dancer asked to stand up actually did start dancing with him! It was so cute and spontaneous and the audience member was so willing! I loved the fact that the audience itself was cheering and clapping so I felt that the performers were getting their just dues.
At the end of the show, the 4 main characters were signing autographs, and even though they had run out of programmes, I queued up (it wasn't a particularly long queue), and got all 4 of their autographs on the tickets. On the whole, The Merchants of Bollywood was an incredible experience and even though I had been looking forward to it for so long, it totally exceeded my expectations(sometimes, you wait so long for something to come and when it finally does, it falls a litle flat)!!!! I loved loved it and sigh, wishI could see it again!!

love love,
shini

*shakes head* Sigh.

Hello hello children! Let's get down to business. I didn't actually read the commentary written by that journalist about the molestation incident during the New Year's Eve party at Sentosa, but from what I gathered from the respodents to that commentary, apparently a girl, dressed in a bikini, was molested by a group of men and it just so happened that onlookers took videos. I'm not 100% sure about the details, so I really don't know but I was quite interested by this situation.

First of all, I don't think anyone DESERVES to be molested, no matter WHAT she is wearing. I mean seriously. Its AT the beach, though yes, since it was a party, the girl should at least have worn a wrap, I mean it can actually get quite cold, or at least windy, and no matter what you can say about drunken men, at least have the sense to not MOLEST someone. Its different when its one guy doing it to one girl, and when a group did it to one girl. You're telling me there was no one else at the party wearing a bikini and dancing seductively? Do all of them deserve to be molested too? I mean come on! Those guys deserve all the punishment they get! As to the issue of the people taking a video. HELLO? did it not occur them to help the poor woman? I understand that one man cannot take on a group of men, but from what I gathered, there were a few people around. You're telling me that they couldn't help the girl? Did they honestly think the girl was HAVING FUN? Okay, i'm getting too worked up, cuz I don't know all the details. But if you think about it, if you see a girl being groped by a bunch of men, don't you think that something's wrong? Even if she was a hired dancer, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH THEM!!! They're not strippers you know. There's a difference! Sigh. I think I shall go and find out more, and vent later to someone.

Don't you find it interesting that people call their respective other, their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", but never "lover"? Why is that?

Is "lover"a bad word? Is it offensive to other people hearing the word? I suppose it DOES imply some sexual activity, and if you don't want disturbing thoughts appearing in your family's minds, you tend to stick with the safer 'boyfriend". Plus I think the word "lover" is quite a heavy term to place on someone. It speaks of your own feelings toward that individual, the EXTENT of your feelings too. Its probably why I've never heard any of my friends refer to their significant others as "lover". Maybe when we're all older, will I hear it being used. Cuz quite frankly, the term's more exciting and sexy right?

shini