My Peoples

I change my mind. Or rather, i have seen the other side of how family can be. Today, ii was feeling lonely and was at odds as to what i should do to fill my time, i randomly messaged my cousin N, to ask her what's up and how were her kids and stuff. Turns out she was at her mum's, and she suggested for me to come over, since i had nothing planned. By the time i left was like 5.30, so when i reached there it was like 6 and she picked me up from the mrt station and we went back. Th kids were playing at the playground under the block, and i hadn't seen them for a REALLY long time. Since they're barely 2, it takes time for them to remember people, but it helps that i kinda look like their mum. I spent the day with my cousin and aunties, and when they came, my uncle and cousin's husband(jiju).
It was then i realised how much i had missed all my extended family, and that they were exactly what i needed to distract me from the coming D-day. In that way, family, is super important, because, they'll always support you and believe in you. I may have doubts about my results but it seems that everyone else around me doesn't! Of course i'd like to believe in their positivity too but the worrier in me just can't. Still its nice knowing that whenever i'm feeling lonely, i can always just drop by somewhere in the east to one of the houses, and spend time with more people. i stayed till quite late, and i was worrying about how to get home, whether the buses will still be working by the time i get to clementi, but when we left, it seemed no question that my auntie and cousin D was going to drop me home. They, who lived in the east was going ot drop me, someone living in the central, almost west! i really was touched. maybe i'm getting soft, or emotional, but then again, it says on my birthdate keychain that i AM highly emotional, so its not news!
P.S. my posts are quite sad and depressing these days but then again, i never WAS funny, so i don't know why i'm apologising.sigh.

Guess what? My mind wandered off to more scary thoughts, so i have nothing more to typse about. hence, good night!

shini

family

This is really going to be a shot one, because i can't really reveal everything going on in my personal life. Its not nice to be airing dirty laundry in public you know! I'd just like to say, to put it out there for me to see for myself that yes, you can't choose who you're related to. Wouldn't we all love that? I know of some people who would. family members can frustrate, exasperate, and downright IRRITATE, but you can't really DO anything about it because, you're FAMILY. of course, through marriage, i guess, is a way in which you can sort of choose, but i don't think it makes much of a difference. No matter how much my family members annoy the hell out of me, i try my very best to be calm, and think about they're good qualities. And i can't think of any for some of them, i just try to ignore them completely and focus on those who make me happy. This is a trick i learnt from someone very experienced in creating happiness for herself out of none;in creating time for herself when there is none. She to can't STAND some people she unfortunately is related to, but deals with it nonetheless.
This post was actually for me to just record down my sane thoughts, for times when i feel angry and frustrated at my family members, so that i would remember my own advice and calm down. And i also just realised that all this advice i've been dishing out, seemingly to the readers of my blog, is actually for myself. I'm virtually talking to myself, and while that isn't something new in concept, it is kinda new in general, because i'm doing it via the net. So yeah, i hope i didn't come off as preachy to the few who may read my blog occasionally, cuz its mostly for me. anyway, yeah, gotta be going.
Oh! if anyone wants to read drama about families, in Singapore, read The Serpent's Tooth, by Catherine Lim. Fabulous. I found it in my parents' bookshelf(those of you friends who've been to my house would remember exclaiming at the number of books i HAVE in my house) and it's excellent reading! Especially when you realise that she's a Singaporean writer.
Oh yeah, one more thing i realised from various discussions about family drama with friends: all that drama you see in hindi and tamil movies and serials? You wonder how writers come up with that sensational nonsense? I'll tell you how. They take it from their own family stories and gossip! i swear! Every family had scandal, gossip and drama, and its actually quite a money-making scheme to convert the drama into a serial or movie! No wonder those reality tv shows where a camera follows a family around do so well!

anyway, going off. tired.

shini

work

Rumour has it that A level results are coming out next week. My friend, M says that his ex-teacher says, the 2nd of March. And he says also someone, who's the HoD of somthing in a jc, also says next week. Now, if I were to take these rumours seriously, i'd be a nervous wreck right now. While i'm not denying that it may be next week, i'm also strangely not freaking out. One thing, is keeping me front breaking down completely. And that is work. Mind you, i'm only doing part-time, and my other job is practically non-existent right now, so its not actually a big deal. I can't say what exactly it is i am doing, or where i'm working at but all i'll say is that it's really occupying my mind. Practically driving out everything else( not always a good thing because i've clean forgotten to vacum and mop, though THAT could have been selectively, and to go and exercise) BUT! it has driven the thought and fears of my results and the future from my head temporarily. Even as i write this, i'm not shaking , or crying as i usually am when i work myself up into a mess(me and my mum have this trait in common; that's the problem of having an overactive mind, that has been tended to by years of frivolous hindi movies, chick flicks and chick lit). I'm relatively calm, though i can feel the anxiety bubbling near the surface, VERY near the surface,kinda like a volcano.
Aside: if i were to think of myself as a volcano, i think i wouldn't be able to decide if iwere an andesitic volcano or a basaltic one. I guess other people would have to decide this one for me. Unforunately, as not many people READ this blog, i wouldn't have the luxury of actually finding out which volcano people thought i was so nevermind. When i figure it out i shall tell myself.
Anyway, coming back to the main issue of work, i have realised that work can really put worries away from your mind. And i'm fortunate enough to have all these new projects thrown at me at a time when i'm hearing of friends taking breaks from whatever they're doing, only to find themselves at odds with what it is they should do now. Only problem is that while my other friend, WL can decided to work a half day in the morning, on the actual day fo results, i cannot because work only starts till later! So i have to come up with something to keep me distracted on the day itself.
However i don't think a levels is coming soon, cuz the media isn't saying anything about it! Well, at least i haven't read anything with my own eyes. So i'm actually at the risk of missing the whole event altogether!!! Wouldn't that be hilarious! There is a LIMIT to forgetfulness i tell you. Anyway, i think i have squeezed every last bit of content from this topic, so i shall end here, with just a teeny piece of advice(People might notice that i give A LOT of advice and i'm not trying to be popmpous, i'm just saying things that i think make sense to me, Nobody has to actually TAKE it. ) and that is: while work may stress you out, when you are fretting about something that never seems to come, its excellent for shooing those doubts and fears away to a small corner of your mind, till the time it absolutely HAS to come to the forefront of your mind. So i think we shouldn't always whine about work(though you'll catch ME doing it often enough) and think about its positive-ness!( god i do sound pompous! urgh.) Anyway, got to be going!!! ciao now darlins.

love,
shini

Birthdays

Today was my friend, lets call her K's. birthday. She turned 19 today. Since it WAS her birthday, me and my other friend, M, went out. Unfortunately, because i had work, i only met them at 9.30. We were walking towards Suntec, to NYDC, to eat and an interesting thing we noted was that, everybody was walking in the opposite direction. To me, it felt like we were the only ones going out, to have fun. It was a feeling that i can't quite describe just yet. Because we started out so late, when we got to nydc, kitchen was closed, only could order dessert, or takeaway. K and I hadn't eaten dinner yet, M already had something. But she(K) decided to have dessert anyway! so we ordered, and M went to tell the waiters to put a ccandle on her cake slice. I think she was pleasently surprised.
To me and even M, blowing out a candle on your birthday is an absolute rule that cannot be broken. For me, it can be real, or figurative, but it must happen ON the day itself. Birthdays are extremely important to me. On that day, its MY day and actually, anything can happen, so long as I actually FEEL happy the whole day. Sometimes in the past, my birthdays hadn't gone to plan, and initially i was very upset. But over time, i realised that i had people i loved around me, who had wished me, and it WAS my day, so i was still happy at the end of the day. last year, my birthday was the same day as deepavali, something i found extremely cool. Because my birthday was a week away from my a levels, i couldn't celebrate properly, neither did i have any presents, cuz not even my sister could get me one;she was still having o's. My father sprung a surprise visit to my grandmother's house in yishun early in the morning, something, i truthfully(initially) had not been too happy about. But when i got there, my grandma was so happy to see both of us, and had cooked up such a feast, and even made her new maid buy me quite a delicious chocolate birthday cake that i immediately felt very loved and touched. i had a wonderful time, and i then realised that often, i may dread certain events, or functions, but usually at the end, i have a fun and great time and go away feeling quite content. On that last birthday, nothing was done the way it usually was, i mean i was studying on my birthday for crying out loud! and i was veg!

But, my friends and family sent me their wishes; i spent the day with family and relatives; i wore new clothes and i realised that yes, my birthday will always be MY day, but it needn't revolve around material things like presents and treats. I realised that to me, as long as people remember and wish me, and i spend the day feeling happy, my birthday is a success in my eyes. (by the way, that last 18th birthday, i got 3 cakes. yes, 3!)
Just to finish the above story, we ended up full and walking to esplanade, to sit by the water and talking till about 11 when we realised we had better go home cuz the birthday girl's got work tmr and our last buses and trains would be leaving soon. i got home the latest ever, 12.05, with my parents fast asleep. I think she had a good time, or at least i hope she did. Like i said, no matter what can happen on the birthday, as long as the birthday person is happy, or can find the happiness somewhere, it was successful. Personally, i can't till its my next birthday!

shini

wow

well, i just finished watching the 81st Academy Awards, and i can't remember if i watched it last year or not but BLOODY HELL! Now i know why people go on about the show,because its so fun to watch!!!! and i think because this year especially, the movies involved are excellent in most ways, that actually, no one really needs to win and in fact, anyone could have won! I think Hugh Jackman was great as a host, and very versatile too! They really must have saved money by getting him because the dude can host, sing, and dance! he's a show on his own! Not to mention devilishly handsome:)
What i especially loved about the whole thing was the drama dedicated to the Best Supporting Actor/Actresses, Best Actor/Actresses and Best Motion Picture. The tears, and the fact that u are honored by your colleagues must be amazing. The most touching part was when the late Heath Ledger won the role of Best Supporting Actor for his role as The Joker in The Dark Knight. He was excellent in that movie, absolutely mind-blowing. He was the kind of villain, or negative role that he was just pure evil, pure and simple. The fact that he played and portrayed the character as such, shows the skill of a talented actor and its all the more painful when the fact that he's gone, is staring you in the face. A consolation is that he will never be forgotten because he has made his mark on the world, especially for going out with a performance such as that of The Joker. Not many people can claim to have made their mark on the world, or at least ensured that he's not forgotten after he's gone, especially since he went at such a young age.

Lastly, it was such a cool thing to see the child actors from Slumdog Millionaire actually AT the awards. Anybody who got onto that stage would probably never forget it and those kids, totally deserve the praise they get because they were exceptional. Thery weren't trained at all and yet, they did so well! I'd also like to put in a note. People are making such a fuss about Dev patel and Freida pinto, but they're forgetting about the third character, Salim, the oldest version played by Madhur Mittal. Maybe the fact about such a character is that nothing is new about his fate; that nothing is new about a tough slum kid becoming part of a gangster's mob, but he still is part of the movie. His character is not all bad, and he does repent. so i don't think we should forget about him. Oh and one more thing, that i thought i should say, even though a number of people don't agree: the movie didn't do well in india, and that's understandable. people don't want to see such painful things that suround them everyday. The things is that people also fail to see the message of hope in the movie, the good and happy ending at the end. and, i understnad why indians are unhappy about showing the "bad" side of india to the world, kinda like family airing dirty laundry in public, but they actually needn't be. many countries have slums too, not only india( in face, far from it!) and danny boyle didn't set out to expose the underbelly of india.all he did was show what everyone already knew to be there, and not only that, but he even romanticised it. I read somewhere, i think it was Time magazine, quoted by i think a taxidriver in Mumbai, that only the high up people, the cirtics, are attacking the movie, not the middle and lower levels. The others, actually like it because it DOES represent hope of a better life for them. and that's how i'll end this entry.
I plan on watching a number of movies now,so i have to be off! ta hildren!

love,
shini

only SLIGHTLY random

i miss my friends. and extended family. random thought: the history of coffee is quite interesting. other random thought: Arab-American comedians are freaking hilarious!

i must run tomorrow. and clean the house. sigh.

shinz

First of all, i don't care that i'm writing everyday. People can make fun(you know who you are), but i don't CARE.
Anyway, moving on...i just realized today that, my results are supposedly coming out next week. March. Before today, whenever i thought of results, and the possible outcomes, i panicked, and i mean REALLY panicked. There were tears, strange dreams(don't even get me started on that), and wailing. My mum had told me that if i don't do well enough to get into any of the 3 Unis, i'd have to retake. it was the idea of having to retake that caused the panic attacks, instead of the idea of not getting into uni. Even now as i type, my hands are sweating. I simply CANNOT redo my A levels. Right now, i can't remember a single thing from any of my subjects. I suppose i could easily solve this problem by just taking out my notes, and reading them through. But then, i'd have to FIND them first. And can u imagine re-doing A levels? The experience was so horrible that i wouldn't want to go through it again. And this time, it would be worse, because i wouldn't be in school, i 'd see all my friends move on, and the thought of failing again would be hanging over me.

I probably should be typing all this, because i'm getting more and more nervous as i write it out. I can almost FEEL the tears forming. So i should stop thinking so negatively, or just stop thinking about results in total. Except i can't. Right now, my life is kind of on temporary hold till this big announcement of the outcome of my efforts from last year. The tears have gone, but the eart is still beating fast. Too fast. (dramatic post i know, but i can't help it) It's like now, i'm just holding it all in, till that moment. A sort of strange, forced calmness has settled. It's not resignation,; that whatever happens, happens, which is what my mother feels. To her, she's not worried, because she DID do her A levels twice, while she was working too, so she thinks i'll have no problem re-doing it too.(TOUCH-FREAKING-WOOD) She doesn't seem to realise that it's not the same for me.
Okay, i'm trying to resrtict the length of my posts, cuz i can get long-winded. Plus, this subject is just not good for my mental health. I wish i had something to do during the daytime, so that i don't have to fret constantly about march, but i don't. Tv and the computer only go so far and then i'm left with my thoughts, which right now is just awful. Thank god for my part-time job at night, otherwise i don't know what i'd do.
okay, enough! I'm stopping right here, because, i don't think i should dwell on this any longer. I'm going off to cheer myself up and push this ticking bomb away into a tiny compartment in the filing cabinet/chaos that is my mind.
Note: A good remedy for anxious, depressed teens awaiting exam results, is a comedy, preferably in plural form. Recommended by patients(actually, just one): Darshini "ITS THE ONLY THING THAT CALMS ME DOWN!!!"

ciao babes
(You know i think i may actually be going a little crazy. Then again, it may not be a bad thing. Always livens up a party.)

shini

Just

Obviously one can guess how free I am because i'm writing in this blog everyday. And yes, I'm so totally not denying it. I have a lot of random thoughts in my head and is it so wrong to want to put that down? My sister totally makes fun of me for doing it. She says she's not making fun, but u can definitely tell that she is. Which is fine by me because she doesn't read anyone's blogs. She doesn't like reading things on the computer screen. Also completely understandable because the glare can give me headaches and dizziness.

Its just that, this is a new thing in my life, that's interesting, because believe ME, my job is not ground-breaking work. I'm single with an overprotective mother, so any chances of a social life has gone out the window. This is added on by the fact that i'm absolutely broke. So really, apart from reading(which i really have to continue with so that my brain doesn't turn into mush) and watching videos on the net, i have nothing else to do. Its not like i go to SCHOOL like she does. and my friends have jobs and lives of their own. Hence my inability to stay away from my blog, at least for now. Maybe when i have more stuff going on, or when the novelty has worn off, postings won't be so regular. Till then, i guess people will have to deal with my daily ramblings. Then again, its not like i ASK anyone to read it right?

Anyway, that's all i wanted to write. so bye!

shini

North and South

Hello hello! I just thought of something and I'm trying to type it out except i'm currently quite dizzy. I have no idea WHY i am dizzy and unbalanced , just that i am and am also hoping that this feeling wears off soon.

Anyway, i like hindi movies. I really do. I'm half sindhi and half tamil but my tamil speaking skills need acres and acres of improvement, and this could be due to the fact that i prefer to watch hindi movies to tamil ones. as of now i can understand tamil, relatively alright, so long as people don't speak too fast. I'm embarrassed to actually speak tamil because i'm so bad at it, hence i usually just listen and laugh. On the other hand, through watching hindi movies, and at one point, hindi serials (though now i have no time for them), i'm actually picking up phrases and words. If i try hard enough, i may even be able to speak a few sentences, though i've never actually tried. Again, my inability to withstand embarrassment prevents me from testing out my new-found skill fo speaking hindi. This above-written fact alone is interesting because i've always thought of myself as quite thick-skinned. However, i've come to realise that i'm only thick-skinned when i don't actually have to speak. If situations require me to talk, that's where i start blushing; especially when i'm not proficient in that language.

Anyway, my whole point of starting to talk about this topic is that i'm beginning to worry that as i watch more and more hindi movies and listen to more hindi songs, and slowly move away from the tamil language, i'm scared that one day i won't even be able to understand tamil! I mean i haven't gone for a tamil class in at least a year! what if i forget? I mean, speaking tamil is part of having the identity of being half tamil. If i don't have that, then how can i BE half tamil? You see my predicament?

This so-called identity crisis is in further danger due to the fact that, for some reason i don't feel that i feel anywhere. I don't watch tamil movies or listen to tamil songs,so i don really have much to talk about with my friends, regarding that area. Not that i don't have things tot alk to them about, just that particular area. And don't even get me started on the sindhi community. I mean i have nothing against them, and they're perfectly nice people, really, but they're a really hard group to crack. Really, they are, and it doesn't help that we( meaning me and my sister) don't even SPEAK sindhi or hindi. some of my other cousins have like sindhi friends and me and my sister are wondering "where the HELL do you find them!!!???" cuz we don't meet any sindhis outside of family functions and so the only sindhis we KNOW are the ones RELATED to us. Which actually means quite a number of them, cuz somehow we're related to quite a number of people. You know how it is;" he's your auntie's, brother's wife's, second cousin's uncle's daughter's husband's brother's son! You remember?!".*rolls eyes*

So we(sis and i) don't really fit in anywhere, which makes me think that maybe we're( meaning us as people in general) aren't meant to "fit in anywhere" because when we think we fit, that's when we relax and maybe relax TOO much and get TOO comfortable with where we are. Which is also never good either. Or at least this is what i tell myself when i start pitying myself unnecessarily(meaning all that drivel i wrote above). To turn this negative post into i positive one, i'm really glad i got the best of both worlds, cuz that may mean that one day i'll master tamil, hindi and sindhi and be more than trilingual! plus, think about it, i look A LOT like my mother and imagine people's faces when they hear tamil coming out of my mouth!!! Also my mother uses my ability to understand tamil when we're shopping in serangoon road and some customer or shopkeeper mumbles something in tamil, i can translate(somewhat) for her!no "lost in translation" for us! (being positive remember?being quite ridiculously positive now i think)

Well, i think i've succeeded in turning the post around now and besides, i've written like an ESSAY. i think nobody reads my blog cuz its so damn long. but then again, it wouldn't be MY blog right? anyway, i'm getting tired of digging deep. (my lit teachers would throw a fit if all i could come up was this nonsense about "identity" after a whole year talking about it. Then again, some things are too personal for the internet right? so it doesn't mean i lost it;) ) so i shall go off now and sleep and ponder on my so-called identity issue(if it even exists). So tata my children, and remember, if u're ever unsure about yourself or your identity, don't fret;be glad that you're always evolving and are not monotonous! Tata now!


loves,

shini

p.s. STILL dizzy. quite worried about it now. maybe sleep will help. HOPE sleep helps. nights!

Dreams

Okay, this is going to be a short post, because my mum's gonna pick me up to do some errands with her and I'm not even ready to leave yet. I just want to ask people out there, do u have really WEIRD dreams? like super vivid ones where people whom you've not even thought about for years suddenly appear and play such an important role in the dream? I mean i just had the WEIRDEST dream and it was super long! The problem with such dreams is that i have them so often and though they are mighty interesting, the deprive me of valuable sleep! so i end up sleeping for an even longer period of time because i'm still tired! Nowadays i long for those dreamless sleep sessions, kinda like the nap i had yesterday int eh afternoon. Unfortunately that sort of thing only happens when i'm so thoroughly exhausted that i fall asleep without any notice to my sub-conscious.

What gets me thinking is that what the hell was i doing before such strange dreams appear?!! Cuz let me tell you, some or many of them have strangers in them. sigh. okay, i think i've run out of steam(already warned everyone out there that this might happen), so i'm going to go off an dget ready. bye!

shini

Hotels

I will proclaim that i love hotels. i really really do. Today, i was walking my friend, let's call her D, to Tanglin Shopping Centre because she had a dentist appointment there. So after she went in i went in search of my bus stop to take me home. i came upon the St Regis hotel and i thought, well why don't i go in! So i did and the staff are so nice and polite. They didn't even ask me what the hell am i doing there or look at me funny! I didn't even need to actually go in. So i thought i'd check out their bathroom. Of course i didn't know where it was and for some reason I couldn't find the front desk(this part i thought was strange, they should work on that) and this man in a nice suit asked me if he could help me or not so i said, i was wondering where the ladies was and he actually brought me to the entrance! The toilet was very nice, with towels to wipe our hands and full lenth mirrors. A little small, if i compare it to the one in Mandarin Oriental, but still not bad. I had noting else to do and besides i had already cooled down and freshened myseld up so i had to go out. And still the doormen were very nice and said good afternoon! With smiles! If you want a boost of self-confidence, just head to your nearest 5-star hotel man!

The sad thing about the St Regis is that the exterior looks awful; so cold and unwelcoming. On the other hand, the interior is beautiful and very lush. The staff( the few i came into contact with) were poltie and helpful, all with smiles. I didn't have enough guts to ask them if they served high tea and if they did, around how much it was per head and what kind of buffet it was. Maybe my next stroll down Orchard road, i might have the courage to go in and ask.

This all may sound like the adventures of the idle, and while i'm not denying that i AM idle, I didn't go into the St Regis just because i had free time. I really do like hotels, especially 5-star ones(who doesn't?) and the whole concept that you pay for the kind of service you want. At hotels, people are very nice to you and always smiling. That sort of treatment cheers me up tremendously. Granted if we're looking at the glass half-empty, you can also say that such treatment is expected because they are paid to do that and if they weren't polite and helpful and smiling, they're probably be sacked. Well, yes all that is true, but I'm not a glass half empty sort of person, or at least not most of the time. Besides, once upon a time i thought of being a hotel manager too. That sort of fizzled out when i told my mother because she told me that the hotel industry is very hard; long hours and not equal pay tot eh amount of work you do. I still haven't given up on it, just put it aside. Hopefully my life is long and there will be time for that. And even if i can't manage a hotel, i can always visit them and even (if i earn so much), LIVE in one!!! as you can see i'm quite idealistic when it comes to my future.


The next hotel i want to see is the Fullerton. I've always wondered what it looks like on the inside. Although im also wondering how a post office can be SO BIG!!! that it becomes a hotel!!! I think i know why i like hotels so much. Hotels to me, represent the good times in life. Those times, when you're on holiday or you just want to take a break from living in your home, and you can afford to stay in a hotel, even if its just for a while. Its a form of escapism, the kind of escapism where you can spoil yourself silly. Hence, though I'm nto actually a guest in the hotel, just by going in, i feel happier( though in this heat it could be the air-conditioning that does the cheering up not the luxurious surroundings and he concept of thehotel).


Anyway, that's all i really wanted to talk about. That's all that actually occured to me. Oh and also the fact that i can't realy write short posts, and that my results'll be out in approx. like maybe 10 to 12 days time? Because it was rumoured to be out on the 1st week of march. and march is coming REALLY REALLY soon. sigh. well, gota go cheer myself up afer putting that depressing thought about results in my head....now where did i put that chocholate....or was it chips...hmmm...oh and bye!!


shini

Old friends

I always think that we should not burn any bridges. Meaning that we should not unnecessarily cut off friendships and relationships because truthfully, you never know when you might need them in the future. That of course is the cold and calculated of thinking. Mostly i just think that if in the past we were so so close, then i don't think we should just lose contact of each other. I mean there must have been something in each other that we liked and was familiar with. So i think we should always keep in contact with old friends. meet up once in while.

The thing is that while i always think we should meet up with old friends and i do or try to anyway, what always gets me is that i get so nervous about meeting them that when i do i babble like an idiot! like i keep talking and talking. Anecdotes start spewing from my mouth and i i feel so bad for dominating the conversation but like i can't stop! And because these are OLD friends whom i've not seen in like years, there's tons they don't know about me so i have so many things i could tell them as opposed to the people i see all the time! So the blathering idiot inside me gets excited and starts yakking away while the actual shini is sitting there feeling really bad. So to all those old friends out there, who've met blathering idiot shini, please know that its not really me and i'm, sorry for taking control, or trying to take control of the whole conversation. so I'M sorry!!!

anyway, on a completely different subject, i was going to jsut start on something else that occured to me today, in the same post, but then i decided not to confuse the people who read my blog(consisting all of 3 people; me myself and I). so ill talk about whatever i want to in another post, while thinking about the pizza my dad's making
As you can tell, i'm quite hungry. So ill end this post and go on with the next one. bye children.

shini

Mornings

Mornings. some people love them, some can't bear them. Me, it goes either way. I love the cool temperature of the morning and the fact that you know you've got the whole day ahead of you to do whatever you want. All that time is just so tempting and at the same time, reassuring. That if you have to fix something of do something, you HAVE that time. Which is why that whenever i wake up late and miss the whole morning, i feel quite sad and upset with myself. Unfortunately, i've been doing that quite often.

Anyway, why the subject of mornings came up is that i had to wake up super early this morning ot meet my friends, let's just call them M and Ir. Now because i had been sleeping late for god knows how long, of course i could only fall asleep at 3 plus last night. The next morning, thanks to my sister and parents who all have to be in school(both my parents are teachers), by 7.30, i woke up at 6 something. That calculates into about 3 hrs of sleep for me. THEN, i had to bathe and pack my stuff to play badminton, cuz there's no bloody way i'm missing out on an oportunity to play badminton with people who actually WANT to play with me, unlike my sister. the stupid train was super crowded, so of course no seat. and while i was in the train, i noticed this. I was in a bad mood initially when i saw the crowded train carriage but then i observed something which really cheered me up!

i noticed that EVERYONE in the train carraige all looked extremely miserable!!! some words to describe their faces: irrritation, exhaustion, unhappiness. Which is interesting because, when i looked around, i felt underdressed in my tee shirt and fbt shorts, hence making me feel a little uncomfortable and not very happy but at the same time, i figured that if i were all dressed up nicely like all these office people were, I know i'd be in a pretty good mood! so i then concluded that to them, dressing up for work is not as pleasing to them as it would be to me probably cuz they're so used to it. which is sad to me because i like dressing up or dressing well and for some reason, singaporeans dress very well for work. they probably are the best dressed the entire week when they go to work. it then made me think that, well, if i had to go to the office everyday for like a few years, i'd be so bored with dressing nicely, that i would lose the pleasant feeling i get from dressing up. and how not fun is that!?! by the way, im totally aware of the fact that im digressing from the main point of mornings but too bad; that's how my mind moves. just gotta keep up!
and then i realised that if that(the above written sentences) did happen, then i'd just dress super casual and sloppily for the days i go out and have fun and that's no good!

So i decided that if i have to wake up early in the morning and go somewhere, i'dbetter feel good about my day and FIND things to cheer me up and distract me from the reduced number of hours of sleep, otherwise i'd end up like those miserable yet, well dressed office workers, stuffed into the train carriage, yearning to just go home and sleep.
IDEA! there could be a horror movie about well-dressed zombie office workers who drag innocent and carefree students awaiting university admission into their world of black and white type and freezing cold offices! oh wait, that's called the real world and it DOES happen. almost all the time. sigh. i thought i was onto something new. anyway, back to what i was talking about. (boy is this going ot be a long post!)
Oh crap, lost my thread again. okay, i think if i were going to end my "thinking" post, i'd say that, in truth, though the mornings can kill u especially when u're all comfortable in your cosy bed, mornings can be good too. i mean, at least you'd be actually EARNING money, cuz there's now bloody way any employer will pay his employees to saunter into work at 4 in the afternoon and then leave 2 hours later. so to all those office workers out there, cheer up! you guys look good! don't spoil the whole look by looking absolutely depressed. I mean you might even gain a few brownie points from your boss by appearing cheery instead of the usual dour expression! so really be happy, or at least not so sad:)

loves,
shini

P.S. as you can see, the stupid tagboard is not up yet. well. nothing i can bloody do about it. sighs.

by the way

Oh by the way, as you can see, i haven't got a tagboard. i registered for one at tagboard.com but for some reason when i put the code in with the html for the bllog's template, nothing appears and everything looks the same. i guess i'll just have to try again later with someone more tech-savy than me! sighs. anyway, its not like anyone reads the blog so there's no need to tag it!(there's the silver lining!) okay, should be sleeping, got plans to play badminton tomorrow at 9 in the morning. god knows how I'M going to wake up is beyond me. anyway, tata for now!(most likely will be writing again tomorrow)

shini

Friends

I was watching Friends, still am actually and it got me thinking. Now, before anyone starts thinking that,"oh, shini 's having a pity party for herself", stop. I love my friends, all of them and i really do cherish them. But i watch Friends and think, wouldn't it be nice to have that too? Granted they are all in the 20s and are adults, living away from their parents and have jobs so actually, they're in a completely different time in their life as compared to me, so why and am i "complaining"?
Its just that the whole concept in Friends is what I really would like to have in the future hopefully. I hope that in the future, my friends and I, are really involved in each other's lives, well, not THAT involved of course to the point of diving each other mad, 'cause that's what we've got out family for right?!

Okay, when i write in my diary(yes i also have a diary, for all the stuff that's WAY too personal to put here), i sometimes, lose my thread and am not so interested in talking about a certain topic and unfortunately, this has happened here too. I must warn you that this may happen again, so beware. However I will still publish this post cuz i just want to.

On a completely different note( You'll get used to how randomly my mind jumps to different topics, but believe me it's all connected in my head), i was thinking about food. It's interesting for me because I don't usually think about food. I was thinking about that show Fear Factor and how they have to eat all that gross stuff like bull's testicles and cockroaches and I realised that i would actually not mind doing it! Like just for the sake of trying something new, because I'm a big believer of doing things for the sake of having experiences. Given the opportunity, I'd actually try something most people think is disgusting. Although I do draw my line at insects. All those little bones and besides, i can't stand insects in general, when they're alive, how the hell would I be able to actually eat them! So yeah, I proclaim that if various parts of various animals were being cooked and offered to me, I'd try them. BUT THE Y HAVE TO BE COOKED. I don't want any diseases from uncooked food.

So all those picky eaters out there(And I know quite a few), get up and try something new, just for experience sake. Or at least so that you can boast and say that you did!

loves,
shini

whoops!

Damn I told myself not to write one of THOSE posts, but i guess one can't help oneself. Oh well.
oh, by the way, to everyone who's awaiting their results, but STILL have no clue when they're coming out, I heard its 1st week march. 2nd was the date i heard. I shall not think about that anymore. back of the mind you go!

Now i gotta figure out how to put up a bloody tagboard. i am so bad with technology. sigh.
ciao!

shini

Event of the day

So the event of MY day today waaaaaasssss*drumroll please*: Washing the kitchen floor!!! Yupp, you heard me, the most exciting thing that happened to me today was me scrubbing the kitchen floor. And believe it or not, I'm not even being sarcastic. well, okay, a little sarcastic.

Mostly however, I am very very proud of myself. Why you ask? Well because i hate cleaning. My mother would faint fromt he shock that I am actually admitting it because I've always said otherwise. Cleaning to me is definitely necessary but its also one of those things in my life where i ABSOLUTELY dread doing it and would do anything to put it off, and cannot WAIT for it to be done, as I am in the process of doing it, but when it's over, i am excessively happy that i did it.

Like running and exercising. People say You feel energized after running and exercising and that the adrenaline really gets you going. Magazines always say endorphins kick in and you have a pleasent flush on your face. I don't know what exercise they're doing, but that never EVER happens to me. i have to drag myself to the gym or the running track and while I'm running, I'm constantly wishing I'm done. After I finish, I am exhausted and sweaty and cannot wait to have a shower and plop down in front of the tv. so all that stuff about feeling energized and endorphins are lost on me 'cause I dont experience it. However, I DO feel very happy and proud of myself that I did do it, msot probabaly because it was something I dreaded so much but I did it anyway, since its something that's good for me.
I know that the moral of the story that is just so obvious from the above story is not a new message or a new thing. Everyone knows that you're supposed to do things you dread and are reluctant to do, because they're usually good for you, in the long run at least. And believe me, I'm not one to do it all the time. But sometimes, you gotta do things that are not only good for you, but also make other people happy.

While i was on my hands and knees scrubbing, with the Mr. Muscle fumes getting into my nose and making my eyes water(I'm not dramatizing I swear), I thought of how surpprised my mother would be when she walked in and saw the gleaming soft floor.( I SWEAR the floor does gleam and IS softer) I was not disappointed. My mother's jaw dropped when she saw what I had done, and was so happy. It was quite a change from her yelling at me the minute she comes home, usully because of somthing I had not done. I felt really good about that and decided to do things like that more often. Like once, I saw a bunch of roses at the supermarket in her favourite colour and since I had some spare cash, I decided to buy them for her. Again, pleasent surprise.

So at the end of the day, I did something I dreaded doing, not because it was good for me only, but because it made my mother happy. And isn't that soemthing all parents want their kids to do?
All in all, after evaluating today's events, I think today was very eventful. a good day. And good days can be hard to find.

shini

The Very First One

Well, hello everyone, and welcome to my very first post on my blog. Believe me this is an experience I thought I'd never actually have. I was always too chicken to start one. Then I worried if people would read it and I wasn't so sure I wanted people to. Of course all that has changed, since this blog exists.

For clarification's sake, I thought I might just state, on "print" what i intend to do with this blog. Truthfully, I'm not completely sure what my plans are but for now, they are as follows:

-This blog is for me to talk about anything, that interests me, and allows me to note down random thoughts floating about in my head.

-References to my personal life and family members will be found but for privacy's sake, I won't mention real names; besides, its not as if i actually CALL them by their real names anyway.

-I love taking pictures, of people and things that catch my eye, so yeah, they're definitely coming up here.

-I have strong opinions on certain matters, so i may offend some people. I will of course to the best of my ability, try to be more open-minded and NOT offend anyone. In the event that I do, I am apologizing in advance.

-Lastly, though this doesn't really have anything to do the the content of my blog, I just thought I should put it out there. Since this is my very FIRST time at blogging, my style of writing may seem a little formal at first, and probably is. However, this will change over time, logically as I get more comfortable with the whole idea of blogging.

Hopefully, i manage to have enough to write about for a long period of time, Some of my friends, have no doubts on this, especially since I talk WAY too much. Then again, I only talk too much when I actually HAVE something to say, or some story to tell. At this point in time right now, I am quite empty of things to write about, partly due to the fact that I got too stressed about doing this in the first place hence, driving all usual thoughts from my head. When I am back to my normal, curious, wondering self, I assure ANYONE out there that my posts will be more interesting. Hopefully. Signing off for now,


shini