Tons and tons

I have tons of things to talk about but unfortunately, I may not remember everything so if thoughts and ideas aren't clearly thought out, do forgive me:) Also, I'll be using different colours for different things I'm talking about, so If you have a headache from the colours, again, forgive me.

First of all, using the brightest red colour for the font for this piece of news. I can't remember if i have said this here or not but i have 2 offers!!!!!! WOO HOOO!!!!! I'm not bragging i swear I'm just really really reeeeeeaaallllllyyyyy happy!! I got the 1st one yesterday, I think from NUS, FASS, so of course I was like, whoa!!!! And today, after being out the WHOLE day, and coming back home at 11pm, I see this mail on the dining table for me, after noticing that everyone else in the house has like passed out(not really passed out of course, more like knocked out) and guess where the envelope was from.....NTU!!! For Communication Studies at obviously WKWSCI. Of course I started bouncing up and down like i did yesterday. And it was so weird because I was just only discussing with my friend WL during lunch about whether or not I'll get something else from the other 2 unis(smu and ntu) and she said that if they haven't called me up for something else like social sciences, cuz comm studies and law were my first choices at ntu and smu respectively, then I should most probably be getting them.

One hand, all these offers, are amazing because I never thought in a million years I'd even get ONE! I mean I was seriously considering re-taking my exams because that's what my mother said when i asked what would happen if i didn't get any offers. So it's brilliant! However, Now I have to decide my FREAKING FUTURE!!!!! NOW. How can I do that?! Urgh. I'm shaking as I type this;I'm so worried and stressed out. If only my interests weren't so bloody varied. I still am waiting on smu, to see what they offer me, if anything at all. But already to decide between ntu and nus is stressing me out.

Okay, enough abt universities and stress. I watched this movie today, called Firaq, a hindi movie about the riots between the Hindus and the Muslims in 2002 in Gujarat, India. The movie's characters were fictional and they didn't really show much of the actual riots, because believe ME, its very disturbing. They did show it from the t.vs of the characters houses and it was extremely disturbing. What was worse was how you see different situations in relation to the riots develop. An elderly optimist, nearly loses his idealistic view of life, which was heart-breaking, most of all to his slightly younger realist of a helper. A married couple from the 2 different warring groups, he a muslim, she a hindu, supposedly moving away to Delhi, but instead, staying where they are. An orphan, in every sense of the word alone in the world, still hoping to find his father. A Hindu woman, torturing herself for turning away a begging muslim woman, tries to quiet her conscience by taking care of that very muslim orphan, but instead, somehow, even though he lost his family and he's in constant danger of being killed by angry hindu fundamentalists, he runs away from the house when he realises that she's in a worse position then him! An upset Muslim woman returns to her home to find it burned down and wonders if her Hindu saheli knows who did it. The movie was so amazing and depressingly sad and insightful at the same time. And i want to know why the HELL does a group of people suddenly start attacking another group? Yes they are somewhat different from each other, but most of each group are perfectly content to live side by side. The movie was definitely not at all like the typical Bollywood sterotype of song-and-dance numbers and comedy and drama. Plus the excellent actors, such as Paresh Rawal and Naseerudin Shah. I recommend it very strongly.

Another thing I want to mention.P.S. I don't bloody care if this is a long one!
Today, I also went back to my jc, to collect my Ics tee-shirt and to tell you the truth, I was a little apprehensive about going in because I don't know a number of people in there(meaning the new students). I did anyway and I was so touched by what they did for me! Everyone quite loudly and happily said hi to me and those who knew me immediately hugged me and asked what was going on with me and everything. And then, the teacher presented me with the tee and said such nice and kind words about me i think i was blushing! The dance that was performed was really great, to one of my fav songs, Aaja Nachle, and the whole event, meaning the stepping down ceremony was so well done! Our stepping down ceremony to me was more special because I almost cried when i saw the powerpoint slides that had been prepared for us, but this one was excellent. They even wanted me to join them in the photos which i thought was very nice too. The new prez, so sweet asked very nicelya s i was leaving that maybe if i could help choreograph for them and truthfully, it really depends at that time so that's what i said. Of course i don't think they actually NEED my help, they're good enough on their own. And like, they're going to do Puyal next year, so good luck to them. I was very touched by what they did today so yeah.

Sadly, I've run out of steam, so I really must stop here. This entry is extremely long but I had warned everyone earlier about the length and colours so yeah. Okay, will type again tmr. ciao!

shini

the sun, sand and sea

I think I have realised that I simply cannot live away from the sea. not too far away. I don't know why, but i could never be in a landlocked part of the world, like Mongolia of something. Even if i don't actually GO to the beach in spore, just the fact that its at the most an hour away, is comforting. My mum loves going to the beach too. She says that she loves it for different reasons. Firstly, people at the beach and the park adjoining it are doing things that are positive in nature. Walking their dogs, having picnics, cycling, jogging, playing with their kids and eating. All these activities are happy activities, to put it in my words, and I agree completely. Even if you say, oh, Orchard road is the same thing, technically, it isn't. Shopping, and consuming is technically not good on the wallet. Getting happiness out of material items is also technically not right. (Although I still indulge in it cuz it really does make me happy!)

Basically, the beach and the park are recreational places, which in their nature are supposed to help people relax and have fun, because all work and no play makes jack a dull boy!
Another reason she says, is because the beach never closes. You can never be too late or too early for the beach. Midnight? So what! Lie on the sand and look at the stars! Sunrise? So what! Watch the sunset and observe all the birds waking up to find food. Get breakfast! Middle of the day? So what! have a picnic under the shade or an umbrella, or if you're daring(and dont' care about sunburn), Slap on sunblock and go swimming!(although if you do, you have to keep applying vigorously, and afterwards, put some aloe vera gel and moisturise all over).
So yes, you can go to the beach anytime! Which is great if you think about it because there really isn't anywhere else you can do that. Except 7-elevan, which is why its a fabulous accompaniment to the beach!

She said something else too, but I don't quite understnad it completely so forgive me for sounding confused. She said(my mother), that for some reason, at the beach there is that certainty of the continuation of the day. The safety that the next day will come and that the sea will still be there.

Personally, I really do love the sea, and the beach. I may have mentioned before but if i had to choose between seaside resort and a ski lodge, I'd choose the seaside resort anytime. I may not have the hot bod to show of in a bikini( hahahahaha HARDLY! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!), or a killer tan,(although i do look better with a slight tan), and I'm not even close to being into sea sports or beach sports, BUT!!!!! (the all important "but!") I have great enthusiasm for anything to do with the beach. You can wear the bikini(talking to my sister), I'll be more comfortable in my tee and shorts. You can get teh perfect tan, I'll put on my sunblock and stay in the shade. However, if you want to play something, I"m all in. So yeah, I"m not the traditional beach babe(repeat, hahahahaha HARDLY! NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!) but, who says tradition is always good?

sooooo....anybody wanna go to the beach?:)

loves,
shini

P.S. talking about the beach makes me salivate for a holiday. NOW.

The little things

After a "dog day" as my mother would say, you are completely exhausted and you just wanna curl up and like die or vegetate in the lovely cool bed. However, I noticed that certain small things can really cheer you up, even if its at the end of the day. Small things like unexpectedly hearing your favourite song on the radio as you're making your way home, either by public transport or by car. Suddenly, you don't feel so tired, and something about you, or within you perks up. Maybe, when you see a hot guy while walking home, and he smiles at you, or you discover at work, a chocolate bar you had bought earlier but somehow forgetten about, can really REALLY perk you up, and improve your mood. I just witnessed it today with my mother, when a favourite old hindi song came on the radio as we were driving home after she's had a challenging day. She was quite happily singing along and I just quietly observed.

So cheers to all those little things that make us or at least YOU guys feel that life isn't all that awful! And have a great day people!!!

loves,
shini


*Notice how short this entry is? Amazing huh? Plus, notice the "loves" at the end? I'm clearly ina fabulous mood. heehee

Music

Music helps to drown out your thoughts. Or at least it does for me. Been having all kinds of thoughts lately, many of which other people would scold me for having, saying that I'm a spoiled brat, and I'm ungrateful. There are too many to count, and right now I can't remember all of them because they come as a whole gush of incompleted matter. That's why I've taken to listening to music right before I drift off to sleep, with my earphones in my ears, because by the time I go to sleep, my sister is long gone in he world of dreams.

The problem with these thoughts that have started to plague me more frequently these days is that, they only stream into my mind when I'm alone. Sadly, I'm alone a lot nowadays. Even T.V. can't seem to numb my mind effectively enough, or maybe its just the programmes I tend to watch aren't effective. I should probably try to watch more documentaries. Not to numb my mind, but to get ti so occupied with the understanding of the documentaries that it doesn't have time to think of all those thoughts.

However, the method of using music has its flaws as well. If i listena nd pay too much attention to the words, especially if they're in english, or if i understand the hindi lyrics, those thoughts come back, or worse, other thoughts come streaming in, and then I have to work doubly hard to keep them out.
Why do I not want to think these thoughts? Isn't it important to think about things?
Well, some thoughts upset me to the point of crying, and I don't like crying. At least I don't like it when I make myself cry. So you see, this is why I'm on a mission to keep myself distracted and amused. At the same time, eating healthier, because we don't want a repeat of thursday now do we?

You know what? I think I'm going mad. I think I'm slowly going crazy. I may be wrong of course, and it definitely sounds like I'm pitying myself, but I do think I'm going a little mad. Then again, who says everyone's perfectly sane right? Urgh. I'm going to go and sleep soon. Thank goodness I"ve downloaded some new songs into the ipod.
Ciao!

shini

I have my reasons

Urghhhh....

I woke up today with the best of intentions. Little did i know that Someone had other ideas. I was going to be good and vacum the floor, mop, and clean the toilet. Even, *gasp* change the sheets. Not because i HAD to and not because my mother bugged me to, but because I thought it's be a nice surprise for my family.( when you're broke, doing these things are the only way to give plesant surprises to your family.)

However, after a few minutes of sitting on the sofa, i realised i had a pain in my abdomen. Going to the bathroom, I found out that my monthly visitor had arrived!
Caution: Very personal information is about to be divulged. If you feel uncomfortable, do not hesitate to scroll down quickly to my other posts, especially the video I have up. Thank you.

Anyway, It explained my aching abdomen: cramps. I can deal with those.
I went down to buy some chips and bear in mind, these i've had for like over a year, so nothing new at all.
After eating the chips and for a while later, i also realised that the cramps were getting progressively worse. Soon, I was doubling over in pain. I didn't realise then, that the pain i was feeling, was nothing to what i'll feel later on. I tried to do normal things, involving walking around, cuz people do say light exercise can get rid of the cramps. Well, either i was a chicken or my cramps were very serious. Probably the latter, because I couldn't even hang up the laundry.

Around 4, I kept having to visit the bathroom and i was covered in cold sweat. I felt faint, and nauseous at the same time. feeling that i needed to vomit, i was practically hanging on the rim of the toiletbowl. "Crap" I thought, " Food poisoning again?! But I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary!", because, these 'symptoms' i was experiencing;I had had them before, when my mum, my sis and I all had food poisoning AT HOME.
Exhausted, i just lay on the hallway floor for a while, then had to almost crawl to the kitchen to get some water and a plastic bag.
Shut myself in the toilet, with the bag by my side. Perspiring and wondering what the HELL should i do know. I was also extremely irritated witht he fact that I had called my sister and my mother and neither picked up. I didn't have the Menstrual Panadol, and besides, you need to have some food before you take panadol. Thinking abou it right now, I think I was like, waiting for my body to start heaving, so that i could rid myself of whatever it was that was causing me discomfort. Bodies work like that. Eventually, I did vomit(sorry for the details) and almost instantly felt a bit better. Had more water and just lay on the sofa. By that time, managed to get through my mum, and she was coming home with fish soup(something i only have when I'm ill), and the all-important Panadol.

I'm still not feeling 100% better, my lower abdomen is twinging occasionally, but the fact that I'm off the floor and I'm typing, obviously means I'm feeling better.
I wasn't terminally ill, or even very seriously sick. Which was why I was thinking about all those kids out there, with diseases, and illnesses and i think, how damn lucky I am, that I have my health and that I really should take better care of it, before I'm sorry. To all those kids out there, struggling, or even just unhappy and ill, take care and my prayers are with you. Nobody likes being ill.

On a happier note, I've been downloading songs and do u know which song I keep listening to? Ghenda Phool from Delhi-6. Also, that reminds me, I gotta go put all those Mamma Mia! songs into my ipod.They're got such catchy tunes!!!

Anyway, I'm going off to shower, and take the Panadol. Tomorrow, I'm going to my cousin's house to see her daughters and of course her. And maybe later, i can go shoe shopping! Ciao!

shini

Storms

I previously didn't understand when and why people, like grown-ups got scared of storms, thunderstorms i mean. I mean I used to think, it's just some rain, lightning and thunder. As long as you're not outside, you have nothing ot worry about. Well, all THAT has changed. Right now, I sit in my living room, all by my lonesome self, because both my parents are asleep and probably so is my sister as she can't stay up beyond 11pm and there's this huge and scary howling of wind going on outside. I mean I've been up by myself before, late at night and I've never been scared. Ever. But I'm actually worried and scared right now! The wind is really really loud and howling and its even shaking the windows as i write this!!! The trees outside are swaying dangerously and the sky isn't exactly dark, like how it would be on a clear night, because of the clouds. And the NOISE!!!! Terrifying!!!!Urgh.

*small voice* I'm scared.

What am i going to do? I'm watching tv now and I can't sleep now because I'm not sleepy and tired and it'll be even worse because i can see the night sky even more clearly and HEAR even more clearly and not sleep. Sigh. I'm going to just concentrate on the show. Bye(she says glumly)

shini

Shopping

Apparently, Singapore's favourite pastime is shopping and I, like any Singaporean love to shop as well. Unfortunately, I don't have the stamina needed to shop like a girl. Seriously, sometimes i wonder, because the sterotype is that girls, when they shop for something that they need, they get very badly side-tracked, end up buying tons of other things but not the item they had initially set out to buy. Not me. At all. For me, I can't rest till I have bought the item I need, otherwise, I'll have to go out again to buy it. Once I have bought what i needed, I can relax and just browse. I don't have the stamina to traipse around randomly when I know something still has yet to be finished. Especially when I'm shopping with someone else, and she's the one who's buying stuff but she hasn't any idea of what she wants, so then I will also have to browse all over, and I just get tired much more quickly.

For me, when i don't have a specific purpose when i go out, i kinda lose interest. Even when i just want to do nothing when i go out or like window shop, i must, like have that purpose of doing nothing, Even when i window shop, I'm always looking for certain things. A bit strange i know but, whaddaya gonna do?

Right now, I'm DYING to go shopping, cuz there are things I really really want to buy. Here's a peek at my shopping list:

Brown flats
Brown heels
That cute purple mini cardigan thingy from Mango
More sleeved Tops
Polo Tees
Long Necklaces
Black Flats
Red Shoulder bag


There's some more but i can't remember and i can't find my list. So yeah, you get the idea. I guess for me, shopping is fun but I always gotta know what's gonna happen when i go out. Surprises can be fun too, in fact, even though i don't always WANT surprises, the ones i've gotten so far have been really fun and great so sometimes, i think NOT having a certain purpose when you go out can be good too!

But i DON'T like traipsing about unnecessarily because i get tired and i especially don't like it when i have no money to buy anything and THAT is my last say on the matter! hahaha:)

love,
shini

I am speechless...

Haven't told anyone, but again, had a weird dream about uni offers. I dreamt that i had received an A4 size envelope from NUS, which you know, is supposedly good news. But strangely on the front, were these boxes, the kind where you can put ticks in them in surveys, and there were 2 columns of boxes running down the front of the envelope. One column was labelled "Good news" and the other, "Bad News". And ALL the boxes in the Bad News column were ticked!!!!

The dream then moved on but i was still very puzzled, to the point that i think i woke up from it and tried to figure it out.Probably it must be my own mind and self that believes so very strongly that its bad news from NUS that i have even convinced myself that even if i do get the thick A4 envelope from NUS, it'll still somehow be bad news. This is probably not very smart and actually quite dumb, but honestly i cannot help it. Sigh. I think i shall stop thinking and writing about this. I promise, that unless i get a definite offer, i will not mention anything about waiting, or possible uni offers or really bad dreams. On that note, i'll be off!

shini

Excellent

Okay, I might be quite late, on the whole thing, but in case you haven't heard of it, you should go and check it out. Unfortunately, due to the lack of skills with the computer, I really really cannot put the clip up here. so you'll have to check it out for yourselves. I'm talking about Susan Boyle, the singer on Britain's Got Talent. She's apparently 47 and comes from a village or something in Brighton.

Personally, I think that yes, her amazing singing, really proved that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. At the same time, think about it. If she had even a smidgen of doubt in her mind about her voice, she would not have tried out. Why do i say so? Well because this is BRITAIN'S Got Talent, not America's Got Talent, or American Idol. I think that the Brits are, like Asians, modest about their own abilities and downplay them. They don't think that they have great voices, when in fact they don't, unlike so many of those who auditioned for American Idol over and over again. I mean, think about it, why would you want to put yourself out there on television, just to get shot down almost immediately and be laughed at, unless you are quite quite sure that you HAVE some talent. So in a sense, i think Simon was not being an ass when he said that the minute she came out, he knew something extraordinary would happen. Because i mean, if she wasn't great, she wouldn't have tried out, because brits can be quite brutal. Actually, I think people in general can be brutal. so yeah. Anyway, go and check her out. Bloody amazing i tell you. Not much else for me to say. so bye!

shini

I had a dream. Not a very nice dream. I dreamt that i had received 3 envelopes from the three local unis. 2 were thick and A4 size, one was normal size and very thin. My cousin once told me that who'll know if you've been accepted or not by the size and thickness of the envelopes. Obviously the thick ones mean you've been accepted. In the dream, the thick ones were from NTU and SMU. NUS rejected me. I mean i didn't actually SEE the rejection line in the letter but going by the thickness, i inferred that. I felt quite sad, even as i was sleeping and i had made the conclusion.

I don't know whether or not to take that dream seriously, because i had both kinds of dreams before my results came out. And both were wrong. So i don't know. I feel quite sad though. Because i had the most hope for FASS because it was the one fac that everyone said i could get into for sure. I mean come on! Law? Comm studies at Ntu? Everyone knows they're very selective. so yeah. sigh. Never mind. going off now.

shini

Okay, I know I've written about this before and most who read my blog have absolutely no idea what i'm talking about I just gotta vent.

Why why why why why why does this keep happening to me? Why? Really, I do want to know because its quite uncomfortable and I do feel miserable about it. Excuse me, them not it. Urgh. And they appear just when i really do not need the extra uncomfortableness in my life, although they are NEVER welcome, it just so happens that when they do appear, its the worst time.

Okay, I think I'm done venting. It must have been the effect of me hearing a song that i like on tv. Music does that to me, or at least music and songs that i really enjoy. They're usually songs that i feel a nice beat exists, to dance to. Or if not, songs with interesting melodies, or words, that really reach out to me. I'm not really a fan of any singer to be specific, partly because some of my favourite songs are from hindi movies, but also because i choose to favour the song itself, and not specifically atristes, because i might not like ALL their songs. Which is why i find it hard to reply when someone asks me what's my favourite type of music or who's my favourite artiste, because i dont' really have a favourite artiste. So I just say i like all kinds of music, which on a certain level is kinda true. On a more obvious level, the correct answer would be, i like specific songs, and don't quite subscribe to one particular type. My range is fairly large because songs i enjoy range from FalloutBoy, to from Christina Aguilera, to Beyonce, to Pink to Simple Plan, Bollywood, to Gypsy Kings, to even ABBA, RBD and various oldies. So yeah, very large range huh? I guess to me, the concept and story behind the song and the lyrics themselves and if i can't understand the lyrics(because of translation issues), the melody and rhythm matter to me. Which I think is what loving music is about right?

well, its done!

Yupp, going by my title, and if u read the most recent post, i'm talking about my interview with smu law which was this morning. Whew! Can't believe its over. Truthfully, i think i bombed on the essay test. I chose the question "The voice of the majority is no proof of justice" To what extent do u agree with this statement. Of COURSE i agree with it but i don't think i pur across my point clearly enough. Too nervous, too little time to think through(15mins) and too rusty in the art of writing an arguement(not that i was great to begin with). However, i think my interview with 2 other candidates froma VERY GOOD jc, went better. The current affair topic of the day was the G20 summit and ignorant as i was, didn't know a thing abt it. However thanks to my previous economic knowledge(thank you 2 years of econs!), i think i managed to sound smart enough. Well, i sort of ended the discussion and the guy who was "attacking" us, seemed satisfied, though i personally didn't understand a word i was saying. The second part of the interview was conducted mostly by the other interviewer who asked us questions that he tied to both something we've written in our cca application to something happening in spore which in itself i found very impressive. Mine because the best thing you could see on my application was choreographer, he asked about all htose traditional dances that tourists gawk at and asked if i think there's any use for them these days other than for tourists to gawk at(his words not mine). My ultimate stand was that we shouldn't get rid of them, but tweaking them to make them seem relevant would help. Or something to that extent.
All in all, i believe i sounded confident enough, i always stated my stand at the end so i clarified myself and for them and i dont' think i seemed too dumb compared to the other two! So i'm happy. Now i found that ntu's wee kim wee sch of communication studies has invited me to a pre-admission reception next sat and its "imperative" that i attend but it doesn't not constitute to admission. I'll probably go because i HAVE nothing on anyway, and it'll be an experience. still awaiting that offer from nus and now, from smu. Sigh. all this waiting is quite stressful. And worrysome.
Oh! i was in a friendly mood so today when i sat down next to this old gentleman at gloria jean's cuz he was sitting in the comfy chair area and the other area was taken up, i chatted with him for some time, while waiting for my hot chocolate to cool off. Very interesting guy, but then again, most elderly people are, especially with all their experiences. And he was english, so i could understand him perfectly. I think when i warm up, i can be quite approachable.
well, i'm off. ciao!

shini

god i want to go on vacation.

sigh

Okay, haven't updated in a while, and some may be wondering, wow, she's really learnt to control her blogging! Actually, no. And its also not because i've been SOOOOOO busy. I havent' blogged in a while because i'm a) lazy, and b) i have NOTHING to blog about. Well, i didn't. Till now. Obviously. Anyway, i actually had a few thoughts floating around in my head the past few days, but as soon as i got the energy to go near the computer, they floated right out so now, WITH those random thoughts in my head, somewhat securely attached, I'll start writing.
caution: this entry will be random and all over the place, so do try to keep up.

Anyway, i think i have come to the conclusion that my face is quite baby-friendly. Either that or the toddlers i see are very smart at recognising people in general. My "nieces" or actually they're my cousin's daughters can recognise me more easily and even call me shini didi from time to time, though that could be because i visited masi when N went over with the twins a few times, so they probably got used to me. However, today, when i was coming home i saw my neighbour walking in the opposite direction with her youngest daughter, who just so happened to be about the same age as my "nieces" and my neighbour didn't notice me but her daughter did and she smiled and waved at me, before i could even smile back! I mean i've only talked and played with the girl for like some minutes maybe 2 times, and she can actually recognise me! I mean surely that means something! I might seem like i'm obsessing about a small thing, but i just think that babies are the MOST adorable people in the world. And they're very interesting too, like to observe them, and how they grow up and learn. And the universal fact that ALL babies are cute. And they stay cute for a while too! so yeah. That was one thing i wanted to type about here.

The other thing is that i have an interview on thursday with smu for law. I wasn't going to tell many people, but then i thought, why not? Which is probably why i'm putting it up here, even though i don't actually know how many people READ my blog. The thing is, i'm absolutely terrified about the thing. Its group interview WITH an essay test. At first i was just terrified about looking stupid in front of the interviewers because i might say something and have another candidate shoot me down. Then i thought okay, well, if that happens, i'll just stick to my opinion, no matter how studpi it seems. Especially if i really believe in it. So then i wasn't so scared. Then i realised that oh hell, i've forgotten how to write an essay! especially with regards to topics like law and justice, because even when i WAS in jc, i didnt' go near those topics cuz i didn't have enough info and this time, i STILL won't have enough info. So i' panicking about that, and wondering what i'm going to wear, and now i'm realising that i'll probably have to INTERACT with the other candidates at like registration and stuff because there WILL be other people there and i can't do that! I can read up on current affairs and on legal stuff and judiciary systems, and sound and seem confident and stand by my opinion and even write that essay test but i cannot make friends easily. I must have lost that ability within the first few months of jc. Im dead serious. And nobody wants to like be friends with the cold stand-offish person, which is what i'll come off looking as! Urgh you know what. I'm just going to let this go and start my reading. Or at least i will in an hour's time. I'm going off. sorry for the awful entry.

shini