Music

Music helps to drown out your thoughts. Or at least it does for me. Been having all kinds of thoughts lately, many of which other people would scold me for having, saying that I'm a spoiled brat, and I'm ungrateful. There are too many to count, and right now I can't remember all of them because they come as a whole gush of incompleted matter. That's why I've taken to listening to music right before I drift off to sleep, with my earphones in my ears, because by the time I go to sleep, my sister is long gone in he world of dreams.

The problem with these thoughts that have started to plague me more frequently these days is that, they only stream into my mind when I'm alone. Sadly, I'm alone a lot nowadays. Even T.V. can't seem to numb my mind effectively enough, or maybe its just the programmes I tend to watch aren't effective. I should probably try to watch more documentaries. Not to numb my mind, but to get ti so occupied with the understanding of the documentaries that it doesn't have time to think of all those thoughts.

However, the method of using music has its flaws as well. If i listena nd pay too much attention to the words, especially if they're in english, or if i understand the hindi lyrics, those thoughts come back, or worse, other thoughts come streaming in, and then I have to work doubly hard to keep them out.
Why do I not want to think these thoughts? Isn't it important to think about things?
Well, some thoughts upset me to the point of crying, and I don't like crying. At least I don't like it when I make myself cry. So you see, this is why I'm on a mission to keep myself distracted and amused. At the same time, eating healthier, because we don't want a repeat of thursday now do we?

You know what? I think I'm going mad. I think I'm slowly going crazy. I may be wrong of course, and it definitely sounds like I'm pitying myself, but I do think I'm going a little mad. Then again, who says everyone's perfectly sane right? Urgh. I'm going to go and sleep soon. Thank goodness I"ve downloaded some new songs into the ipod.
Ciao!

shini