Okay, I'm aware that I'm not sober, which is probably why I'm thinking about this. I've had about three-quarters of a wine bottle, but NO I am not drunk. Thing is with me is that, if things aren't settled fine with me, eventually they crop up in my mind and plague me till I can either shove the thoughts away, or solve the issues.

I suppose I can attribute this latest bout of nostalgia to the missed call I received today and the conversation I had through text messages. I don't know if anyone will even read this blog post (I sincerely hope not) however, I needed to think outloud. At least since no one is answering my messages.

This is actually a story of my friend's. Or rather her dilemma. No one needs to know the details, because I'm just going to type here what I felt when she was telling me her story. Indignation, anger and for some reason I still understood. Even though I knew she was being ridiculous. I still got why it bugged her. You see, she had a long distance "thing" with this guy. It didn't last very long but it was her first "thing". After everything, including when she met up with him 6 months after she ended things to clear the air, she thought everything was fine and she was mostly indifferent towards him. However, something hurt. That something was when a mutual friend, told her through another friend that, apparently he had said that he was "never committed to her". Now, it was a "thing". According to many people, including those who said it was nothing. However, to her, it was something, especially since he said he loved her. He said it real soon too. After about a month of meeting her in person and 2 months of knowing her. Much sooner than she did. You see, to her, saying I love you is kind of a big thing. She emphasised on that. So she just cannot understand how someone was "never committed" to her and yet freely said those words. He could have been an "I love you slut"-Someone who just says it too soon, doesn't really know the meaning of the words. Which is still terrible. This I tried to reason with her.

She doesn't FEEL anything of that sort for him, just that it apparently bugs her that he could say such a thing to someone about her. Or that he might have taken it so lightly. Sigh. She'll get over it, I know she will. But man, wherever he is, I'd really like to give him a few punches where it'll REALLY hurt. What can I say? I'm a bit violent sometimes :)

-Shini

Okay, I probably have whined about this thing before but I need to do it again.

Just because YOU decided that oh, she's going to be a "godmother" to my kids, does not mean that automatically I have to LIKE her kids and enjoy spending time with them. The boy is alright, when he doesn't unnecessarily swear or is rude. You know its just the bravado and a front he puts up in front of the other kids. So he's fine.

But the GIRL.

I mean she's 10. So really I should just let everything slide. But oh my lord. She does not stop talking, and she's always talking about herself. The girl does ballet, and its really all she talks about. I mean she's quite good for her age and its brilliant she has something she's passionate about(though i just wonder if its just the pretty clothes and the attention she gets for it that she likes). But you just have to ask her once, to show something and she does the whole set. Shy she most certainly is not. The thing is, you can call her precocious I suppose? Except sometimes and more often I've noticed, she says things that have a bit of bite. Its subtle, but its most certainly there. And I just don't like that.

And because of all this, (at the minimum), I just do not WANT to spend any time with her, unless it truly cannot be avoided. At least at the parties, there are OTHER people to talk to, albeit usually from the ages 9 to 17. (if i'm lucky, the ones I really like talking to will come). But spending time, with just HER and my sister and HER mum, I just cannot see as a fruitful and wonderful way to spend my day. I don't like her and thus I do not want to spend time with her, AT ALL. The worst thing is that I can't even go somewhere, turn off my phone and escape the whole day because my sister AGREED to going for that fucking thing and because I can't be mean to my sister and saddle her with HER that I have to go. I don't know why my sister does not dislike HER as much as I do but who the fuck cares. I can't stand the child and I know its petty to complain about a kid. I swear though, its the obsession about herself and the things with bite that she says that gets on my fucking nerves. And I don't care that I'm being petty and childish.

I'm going to be sullen and in a bad mood and I don't care. and yes I'm throwing a fucking tantrum.