Wow. okay I did really really badly. Won't give the specific details, cuz that'll depress me even more. Its interesting; I don't think I've ever been embarrassed about my grades before. I mean I am not a smart student, not a hardworking one so my grades have been mediocre at best and downright terrible at worst. However, I've never been embarrssed about them. I've always thought that hey, I can do better, eventually and I DO do better eventually. That always sort of cheered me up. I don't know why I'm in such a shock that I did so badly this time, cuz i really and truly did not study. AT ALL. I mean I brought down to a new low. I guess I sort of achieved what I wanted in the end. To se how badly I could score with the most minimum amount of studying. But I didn't think I'd actually feel EMBARRASSED about the results considering I had always expected it deep down and I KNOW that I really did not study this sem. I guess, this is unforseen side effect of my little "experiment". I mean I could always say that, "don't worry shini, next sem you WILL study, all the time and not have to rush your assignments(though those weren't the problem) and you'll be more prepared for the finals(those WERE the problem) the 41hours a week and all that (calculated by a friend to be the number of hours a week I should be studying or at least reading)". And yes, I truly believe that I will do that because I mean, I WANT to get my As like everyone else. I WANT to be offered Honours like everyone else and I WANT to get like First Class or at least Second Upper. I WANT to study so hard and SO much that I've really tried EVERYTHING and to have NO regrets. I want to get those many As that everyone else gets. I want to feel like I'm smart and hardworking and as good as everyone else. So I will try harder next semester and study all those hours and do really well in my assignments and finals and even talk in Pol science tutorials. But the thing is, next semester is really far away and I'm feeling depressed NOW and I can't really DO anything about it.

THIS SUCKS. and its all my fault.

shini