URGH

I'm frustrated. EXTREMELY frustrated.

See, I'm a dancer. I've been dancing for like, at least 10 years, if not more. Technically, been "performing" since I was in kindergarten. And well, what I've come to realise about myself is that when I go up on stage, I better make sure that I do a good job. And not just a good job, but i damn great job. I mean why go up otherwise right?

Which is why for every performance I've done, doesn't matter whether or not its complicated or simple, I've somewhat perfected it, before I go up on stage. I'm talking about for every single performance.

Hence, you can understand my frustration when for some reason, I'm not able to perfect this latest dance. I'm taking part in Dance Revolutions, doing Kathak. I've NEVER done Kathak before, and let me tell you, its completely different from Bharatha Natyam.(been learning the latter dance since I was 8). Technically, I've only started learning the dance for like, 2 weeks or so. Thankfully, I've been able to memorise it, but that's only because, truthfully, the dance is fairly simple, in terms of moves. Like the number.

HOWEVER, since the dance is few in number of moves, every move counts. Technique becomes very important, and everything, including how to step and turn, becomes like 10 times more important. And I'm extremely frustrated with myself because I can't seem to perfect it! Like when I look at the mirror when I'm dancing, I just feel I look wrong. The worst is the chakras(turns/spins). There are 3-feet ones and 2-feet ones, not many mind you. But still, the few that I HAVE to do, just don't look as good as when the seniors do them. Again, pisses me off. I do try to practice, but when I spin repeatedly, my heel starts to burn from the friction. I constantly feel like I'm doing short-cuts when I dance. Like I'll perfect the move, withou he music, but the minute the music starts and we start, all the perfection polishing goes out the window. Don't know what's wrong with me. And I HAVE to perfect it, otherwise, I'll feel terrible, and worse, it'll show in the performance. Plus, I don't have contacts, so I gotta be able to do everything withoug sight.Well, much sight.

Sigh. I'm just in a bad mood. I really realy hope I perfect it. I just have to. urgh.
nights.

shini