shoes and other apparel

I think my feet are not MEANT to wear shoes. Seriously. Let me explain. Every pair of shoes that I own, give me blisters. EVERY SINGLE PAIR. Whether they are new or old. My wonderful pair of clogs from Holland, which I bought when I was 10 years old in 2001, which STILL fit perfectly by the way, give me blisters. My newest pair of ballet flats, with the soft lining bought on sale from tangs, hurt me on a regular basis even though I wear them so often. I have this one pair of shoes that are horrendous. Pointy, emerald green, satin covered mules, low heel from Tangs, bought on sale, and fits, perfectly. I wore them for the first time to someone's housewarming, which i figured would be safe, since i just have to wear it from the car to the house and back. First of all, because of the HDB rules, we could only park in the white lots, of which, were gone, the ones nearest to the house. So we had to park REALLY far away. By the time I walked from the car to the house I had already developed like 4 blisters. But I figured, that I can probably handle the walk back, cuz it didn't seem that bad. Boy was I wrong. After the housewarming was over, and we were walking back,when we were about halfway there, I couldn't take it anymore and took off my shoes and waled the rest of the way back barefoot. Sure my feet were dirty, but they didn't hurt anymore! I have NEVER worn those shoes again. And don't think of it as a waste of good money, I got them really cheap. $9! from Tangs! They were only so cheap cuz it was the last pair and the size wasn't one that fit most people. I'm usually a 4. In UK brands, like Topshop or River Island, I'm a 3, sometimes, even a 2 and a half. its not very easy finding shoes that fit. Anyway, back to my original complaint. Since all my shoes give me blisters or just make my feet ache (my heels), and I have the UGLIEST feet in the world thanks to genetics, my father and those numerous blisters which leave marks, I think I'd really like to give up looking for comfy shoes that still LOOK nice. I feel like just buying comfy shoes and not caring about whether they look nice or not. Because I clearly have very strangely cut feet. Actually, they seem quite normal, short and wider in the front. Lots of people have my kind of feet! urgh.

Sigh. Even though I say, that I'll give up, I know I won't. Because those that know me, know that I LOVE shoe shopping. I'd LOVE glove shopping too, if I needed gloves, cuz everytime I go shoe shopping, I get to say, "your smallest size please". its so much more self-esteem-boosting than clothes shopping because I'm so darn plump and short, all the clothes look distorted on me. I especially HATE shopping for bottoms, like pants and skirts. ( i never purposely buy shorts on my own, i just get them from my mother). I hate it cuz my hips ad thighs are huge, so I'll need the pair that fits them, but I'm so short that the pair that does fit my body is waaaaaayyyyyy too long! So after I buy the pants, at the shop, I'll always have to got to my tailor to alter the length. its double the effort. Which is why I only buy jeans when i absolutely HAVE to. I didn't have a pair of black jeans, so i bought them in M'sia last year. And my previous 2 pairs of jeans, were given to me by relatives from overseas. (That's why I have a Levis pair). I NEVER buy skirts, cuz they always will look wrong on me( again the hip vs the length thing, and skirts can't be altered) and I simply don't like wearing skirts. Of course I have them, and quite a few, and I'll only wear them when I'm feeling confident and well, confident and only when I have nothing else to wear. And if I have to.

Just to be clear, I don't have a HUGE self-esteem problem. I mean I DO think I'm fat, or at least plump and anyone who's met me know I could lose some weight. and I will ALWAYS think I'm fat, cuz I really don't think I'll lose weight and be toned. HOWEVER, in the case that a miracle does happen and I summon up enough discipline to exercise strenuously and diet and I DO lose weight and tone up, I do think the self esteem issue will dry up. But to be clear, I don't have HUGE low self-esttem problem; I mean its quite under control. Usually I'm fairly confident and as Sister says, "thick-skinned" and will wear whatever I think looks good. And when those little voices start, I just turn my attention to something else and I'm back into a good mood. And I CAN take a compliment, when someone says that I look pretty, especially if I've actually spent TIME to look good, like doing my hair nicely (I usually don't care about my hair and focus more on my face). Its just that sometimes, when I see Sister and it hits me, how slim she looks and tall, or I see someone else, with a better body (and usually taller), I just get a little down. BUT BUT BUT! Nothing some comedy and hindi songs can't chase away. Or else sleep. Sleep works very well with me. If I'm angry with you, like really pissed off, let me sleep it off and I'll wake up, happy and everything will be forgiven. I swear. I'm quite good that way. So yeah.

I think this post is long enough. But just a few last thoughts. I truly do prefer to be barefoot than to wear shoes, which is part of the reason why I love the beach. My mother says that I should wear slippers in the house, so that I don't develop thick skin on my soles. I suppose my feet aren't very attractive, given my UBER-UGLY toes and blister marks and thick skin on my soles, but I think they really are quite solid and good. I'm feeling quite sleepy now, and I want to try and wake up int he morning to run, because I've realised that I will only run in the morning. I simply can't run in the evening. Well, no pressure, we'll just see if I DO wake up in time or not. Going to try "Liking my body" for a change. ciaor for now!


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shini