Its over.....or is it?

Well well, the results are out. ill talk about that first before i move on to the what's next part. Well, i did a lot better that i had expected. I thought i would get like my prelim results which my sister says was D U D E E. I personally couldn't remember anything about the whole of last year's grades but i do rememebr the feeling of absolute dread wheever i thought realistically about my possible results. Since i am happy about what i god, i shall post my results on the blog. A B B for lit, geog and econs respectively, C for h1 bio and A for GP. Of course counting the B for pw, i calculated about 80.5 for my university points. Upon 90. Which i think is a HUGE improvement from the past 2 years, where my best ever was like 53 points and the worst, 39.

It also turns out that i was not the only one who thought i'd have to re-take. If i'm not mistaken, both my parents and my sister thought i'd fail and have to re-take as well. While it IS partly my own fault for telling everyone that i have serious doubts about my performance and "scaring" them, it doesn't mean that they should completely have no hope for me right? Maybe i'm being too sensitive and reading too much into it but it kind of stings a little. I guess everything turned out for the best because i have decent grades and i THINK i can get into the course of my choice(which is another story altogether). Personally i'm quite proud of myself because this is the best i've ever done in all my education life and i was so scared it'd be like o levels again, where i regret and wish i had studied more. Of course i wish that i had gotten an A for geog, but bloody hell, i have no idea where the A for eng lit came from!!! So yes, i guess, this part of my life is good and everyone congratulated me. So at least everyone's happy for me!

Now, the next story. My future. I'm an arts person, so of course my only goal is to go into the faculty of arts and social sciences in any university, though of course, preferably NUS, since they have the most variety of subject options. Now, I'm interested in the following subjects: political science, psychology, sociology and geography(worst come to worst). Im the msot interested in the middle 2 subs. To tell the truth, i only chose political science, because yes, i am somewhat interested in foreign relations and diplomacy and international studies and apparetnly political science is the route there but mainly i chose it because its the only subject i can think of that has a clear career path. I'm probably being very naive by saying this, but i'm hoping that IF(touch wood) i get in, and do political science, i can slowly pay my way through grad school at the S. Rajaratnam's School of International Studies and Diplomacy and maybe get into the MFA(Ministry of Foreign Affairs). As i am writing this, i can even see how stupid and naive i sound but i don't care. However, i have also realsied that i am actually quite interested in sociology and maybe even psychology and i might want to major in either of them. However, Singaporeans, and my parents being practical people, say that those degrees will not allow you to earn much money. I agree, that income and the probability of earning good money so that you don't struggle through life is very important factor for choosing a career and before that, a degree. However, the very same people can also turn around and say to make sure to choose something that you like, that you enjoy and want to learn about. Is it me or are they being a little contradictory? I really don't get it and am very pissed off. Espeecially when people like my parents are telling me that the courses i want to choose will not allow me to earn much money. I mean when other adults like aunties, uncles, cousins, and parent's friends give me their opinion about my choice, and tell me that oh, not a good idea, i'm fine. I take it with a pinch of salt and i really listen to their advice. but my parents! they're teachers, and they're telling me that i'll end up earning low pay at a ministry. They went into a career which required them to actually HAVE interest and passion for their job and they're telling me to be practical. I know spore doesn't have a culture of going to psychologists, i think its an asian thing but if i'm really into it, and strive to get a Masters and maybe even PhD, i can go overseas to set up a practice or work work woth an MNC. Remember, we're becoming global?
Which is why I'm currently extremely unsettled and unhappy and confused and angry. people ask me what i want to do and I DON'T FREAKING KNOW!!!! They always expect students of this day and age to have decided on their career path by the age of 16 and when they come across a student who has no idea, they're like, what's wrong with you? aren't yous erious about your future? I BLOODY AM WHICH IS WHY I AM FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY INDECISIVENESS!!!!!!


I think i need to calm down. All i can think about these days is what the freaking hell am i going to do with my life. At the same time remembering to apply for uni, for the right faculties and praying that i get into the one i really want and repeatedly telling my mother that i'm not going ot apply for smu law because i won't get in, the interview is scaring me and i DON'T WANT TO DO LAW! I'm going now, before i start verbally freaking out and cursing everybody in my path. I think i'm going to eat. bye children.

shini