I just realised something. I kept wondering for a while,(like the spoiled brat that I was), why my parents can't just be happy with what they have, children-wise. Like they always wanted us to do even better, and quite truthfully, we are terrible students. Its a pure, PURE miracle that I even made it to NUS, of all places, going by how little I studied all my life. And for a while, I thought that( this is going to sound really awful and the only reason I'm even writing this down is because I'm probably just feeling unnaturally garang right now), they should be glad that I even got this far. That they shouldn't expect more.

Well I've just realised why they SHOULD! At first I thought that yes, they did go to uni, NUS in fact so they should expect me to go too. But then, I heard from all these other people that apparently I did better than when they did their A levels. Plus, I had gotten offers from the 3 local unis, though not all the ones I wanted. So I thought, that, well, yeah I didn't believe I could do it, but I thought they would at least. OF course it became clear that they didn't think I could do it either. But whatever. Point is, I thought I not only met their minimum requirement, but I even exceeded it.

But I realise now, that I did no such thing. They SHOULD have such high expectations of me because they gave me what they never received from their parents. My mum's parents couldn't even speak much English, and same for my dad. Though my mum's parents were alright, financially, they had 5 children, all to get married, and they had 4 girls (hello, dowries?). And my dad was the typical kampung boy, so smart he went to RI. Both worked as teachers for a few years and my dad had army before they arrived at uni, at the ripe old ages of 25 and 27. And here I am, at 19, going in. The didn't have what I had, English teachers, really GOOD teachers, trained well, as parents, with stable incomes to provide me with help that I needed with my education. Of course I will still maintain that they barely sat down and taught me, like taught me properly, unless it was the day/night before all my English and lit exams. But I will admit that they taught me in different ways. They always spoke English, well to me and sister (though this had alarming side effects regarding my Tamil skills forever), answered all y random questions on vocab, gave me material (though I couldn't finish reading everything; see what an awful student I am), brought me to plays, even as a small kid, and most importantly, taught me to read at a very young age and instilled the love of reading into me (though this also could have caused the glasses problem). so yeah, they totally and absolutely can and SHOULD expect me to do brilliantly in school. Heck I'd expect me to do well in school!

I guess all the stuff my mum's been yelling at me for years has finally been driven in. And not a moment too soon either. Entering the uni, where I will HAVE to do well enough to graduate with Honours, and get a good job, because I HAVE to pay their CPF BACK. Sigh. Whew! What a load off! I'm tired now. must sleep. bye!