Paranoia and the world

First of all, bloody hell I blog a lot! I only JUST started this thing and already I have 94 posts? Sheesh!

Second of all, some idiot told me that cockroaches crawl in your ear when you're sleeping so whenever sister and I find a cockroach in our room(happening more and more lately), and for some reason the damn thing gets away from our flaying arms that have rolled-up newspapers clutched in our hands, but its been sprayed on with Shelltox, I can't fall asleep right away at night because usually I'm worrying about the stupid thing somewhere in our room and whether or not it'll crawl in my ear. I'm a little paranoid about things crawling into my ears or my nose or my mouth, cuz like god knows where that thing's been, I don't need more bacteria and whatnot in my body! So I'm going for this camp right, on sat, a kind of orientation thing and I keep hearing stories from my dear cousins about the activities they conduct. Then my friend tell me they tekan ( I think that's the word she used, she was on msn) you in the middle of the night. And I ask her what do you mean? And she says like lock you up in a dark room.

Well personally, if I was supposed to be "tekaned" on in the middle of the night, being locked up in a dark room is kind of a good thing. Cuz all I'd do is like fall asleep. I can fall asleep anywhere if I'm THAT sleepy. But I can't fall asleep as easily in bright light. So if they wanted to "tekan" me, they should put me in a brightly lit room, and watch me try to fall back asleep. Then I realised that they can put you in a room with something else! And that's where the whole cockroach thing with the ear came flooding back! Which is why I'm writing about it here.

To tell you the truth, there's lots of stuff I get paranoid and worry about. LOTS.
Like I always worry about being attacked at night by some strange man or men. ALWAYS. I have no idea why. So whenever I'm out late, by myself, like going home ( cuz I don't have a boyfriend to escort me home and NONE of my friends go the same way as me), all kinds of scenarios run through my head and I'm like mentally preparing for each and every one of them. I look for an escape route and for something I can like, grasp to hit with. Whenever I'm out and I' wearing my clogs, I'm like, yeah, solid wood soles man! Oh! and once, for drama or something I had to bring a saw to school to cut the galas(long poles used to hang clothes with), and at the same time, I had brought a hammer and a penknife and a pair of scissors. I swear if I had to go through the airport scanners right then, NO WAY would I catch my plane! And my friend's like today, if some dude tries to get fresh with you, you can just casually pull out the hammer(which was actually sticking out of my bag cuz it was so big ) and wave it around and the dud will like run away! I never felt so ready for a walkabout at night before I can tell you that! By the way, I can actually USE all the tools that were in my SCHOOL bag that day.

Why am I talking about my paranoia? Well because today I was again, on msn with another friend and she was talking about going on a backpacking trip round the world. Well not literally ROUND THE WORLD, but you know like 7 or 8 different destinations that are around the world and I was like, no way honey, neither of our parents will let us do that. Cuz like her parents are even more strict than me. She needs a male escort when she goes to Malaysia, or anywhere overseas, and her mum is never away from her. And I said that now even more so because my mother watches this show called Banged-Up Abroad, about real accounts of people going overseas and getting into trouble (obviously living to tell the story). And she's like well yeah there's that worry about rape and murder and being hacked into pieces such that her body is sent back in an envelope, but I said that my biggest worry was theft. Of money and my PASSPORT.

Because I figured that I'm too paranoid to get myself into situations where the woman's first fear will happen but if I'm stuck in the country, with no money and hence no place to stay, then Those unpleasant things MAY actually happen. As in a higher chance of happening. Which is why I don't every want to go travelling alone. Even my sister is better than travelling alone. Yes I'd have to worry about HER safety as well as mine and she's more likely to do crazy things, especially when the parents are like 3000 miles away from her and will most probably ever find out whatever crazy thing we've done, but at least there's another brain to help get us out of any potential messes we get in. Plus, the experience could be shared, and we can reminisce about it when we get back. You can't reminisce by yourself! And having another person there will be proof that you went on that trip because someone else remembers it! And of course without saying there's safety. Thing is, I'd also be so so stressed from the trip that I'd need another vacation for the vacation! Which is so true right? People always say that, then why do they go ON the trip in the beginning?

Unfortunately, I know the answer to that one: To see and experience the world outside your own eggshell. I say eggshell because while you own little world can be so all-encompassing, actually its very fragile and any external matter can break it. I like watching travel programmes and learning about different places, and I love looking at beautiful scenery because it just amazes me that something THAT beautiful actually and physically exists and I guess the stress would be worth it. But make sure that you have money left over from the trip for a short cruise to relax!

shini